From worries about the future to financial obligations to custody problems, single moms have a lot to be concerned about regarding the wellbeing of their children and their own.
While being a single mom can be very difficult sometimes, it is possible to overcome the anxieties that come with it. Just like it is with conventional parenting, you are almost always on a rollercoaster, worrying about this and worrying about that. As a single mom, these worries are not healthy for you or your child.
Worrying too much can affect how you treat yourself and how you treat your child or children. And it is most likely to affect in the negative. Here are the 10 biggest worries single moms come face to face with every now and then and tips on overcoming them:
1. Will My Child Be Bullied?
Single mothers often worry about bullying. Since they love their child so much, they never want the child to be bullied; they never want society to view the child through the same lenses with which it views them.
If you worry a lot about this, you can overcome this worry as a single mom by:
- Building the child’s esteem: teach your child to be confident in himself. Teach him that he has a right to stand up to anyone who bullies him or her.
- Make sure the child hangs around the right People: a child who has good friends will be less prone to bullying, as his friends will stand up for him.
2. Meeting Someone New is Impossible
Many single moms who still nurse intentions of getting engaged or married in the future fear that they will not meet someone new. Someone who is going to accept them and their child.
This worry is common and is quite unhealthy for both the mother and the child. Because the mother might begin to see the child as a mistake that cost her all her life, she might blame the child’s coming into her life for all the men who have rejected her.
Overcoming this worry as a single mom is easy. All you have to do is strengthen your mind and your self-esteem so that this worry no longer finds loopholes to seep into.
Here is how you can do this:
- It is not the child’s fault: stop the blame game if you are currently playing it. The child is a blessing to you, just as you are a blessing to the child. Realize this!
- What is meant for you will come: to overcome this single mom worry of never finding someone new, realize that what is meant for you is meant for you and will find you somehow. You will meet a good man who is going to love you and your child so much. He is going to bring a spark into both your lives and make you feel quite loved and appreciated. Hope on this.
- Do not shut people out: The thing about worry is that we tend to worry a lot more when we aren’t doing anything to remove the source of our worries. Or when we are doing things that further aggravate our worries. As a single mom who is worried about never meeting someone new, don’t shut yourself at home. Go out. Meet new people, and go on dates with men who you are interested in.
Another major cause of worry for single mothers is money. Of course, everyone is worried about money. But with single moms, this worry is quite worse. It takes a lot of money to raise a child, especially in parts of the world where child support and alimony aren’t quite enforced yet.
The truth is, as a single mom, worrying about money is barely going to fix anything; it is only going to make you and your child unhappy. The only thing that can help with money worry is making some money.
Is this going to be easy? To be honest, not quite. But yet, it is possible.
Here are a number of ways with which you can have enough money to raise your child:
- Child Support; if the father of the child is still alive and well and willing to be an active part of the child’s life, child support will provide you with enough money. Or at least almost-enough money.
- Grants: some NGOs give grants to single mothers and also help with certain needs the child might have.
- Freelancing: freelancing is a great way to get passive income for you and your child. More money channels are never a bad idea.
4. Will The Child Love Me?
Every parent wants to raise a child who genuinely loves him or her. And this is irrespective of whether or not the parent is a single parent.
Single moms often worry about whether their children will love them or not. This worry is valid. It can be healthy sometimes, as it can keep certain behaviors in check. Other times, it is just not helpful and maybe even damaging.
Single moms who fear their child may not love them often fall for the trap of overindulging the child. This is to say, giving the child everything the child wants, even stuff that can be damaging to the child.
If you fear that the child will not love you, here is what to do:
- Love the child: there is a saying that love is good medicine. If you, as a single mom, fear that your child will not love you, then it is time for you to love the child some more. Children who are shown love and care, and appreciation are usually more loving and more patient.
- Teach the child good values: a child who is taught good values is going to be very patient and very loving, even to you, the parent.
5. Custody Problems
Being a single mom means you are going to be spending a lot of time with your child. This means you are going to be attached to this child so much that you are going to fear that someone is going to come and take them from you.
A lot of single mothers go through this worry. They fear that the child’s dad may come around in the future and the child is going to leave them for the dad.
Here is how you can overcome this worry:
- Let the child communicate with the father: if the child’s father is around and available, and is someone whose character does not pose a threat to the child and society, then it is helpful to make the child develop a relationship with his father. A father who communicates with his child often won’t exactly want to take the child from you because he will be convinced that the child is in safe hands.
- Do not let the child feel caged: don’t let your child feel caged, as this may force him or her to seek out the other parent, with the hopes that things are going to be easier and better there.
6. What Will People Say; What are People Saying?
Single motherhood may be increasingly common, but many cultures around the world still do not see it as conventional. They believe the family structure should include a man and a woman and children. This is why many single moms are constantly frowned upon by society.
Society blames their single motherhood on looseness and all of that. As a single mom, you most likely are going to be worried at least once in a while about what people are saying.
But, I tell you what: this worry is damaging, and you have just got to let it go. You can do this by;
- Accepting yourself: it is difficult to care what people have to say about us when we have accepted ourselves. Accept that you are a single mom, and being a single mom does not mean you are loose or anything of the sort. On the contrary, it means you are pretty strong and confident.
- Listening to only the good: shut out the bad opinions about you. As a single mom, your focus should only be on the good things about you. Surround yourself with these such people. They are a lot out there. With them, the journey through single-motherhood is going to be quite adventurous and lovely.
Please note that it is also a good idea sometimes to shut out family members who make you feel resentful towards yourself. It doesn’t matter much that they are family.
They are making you feel bad about yourself and your child, so they should be avoided until they change or until you find a way to deal with them.
7. Get into Trouble, Leaving The Child Alone
Almost every single mother’s nightmare is getting into trouble someday and leaving their child alone. Many single moms worry that they will get sick or, worse, get in an accident. You know, any circumstance that makes them incapable of taking care of their child.
If you find yourself wound up in this worry, this is how you can deal with it:
- Positive thoughts only: we really can change our lives by changing the way we think. If you worry about leaving your child too early, then your mind is beclouded by thoughts you have to unplug. Think only of things that add value to you and the child. Think of how you are going to be here all his life and how he is going to love you.
- No risky behavior: as a single mother, risky behaviors are a no. They will only make you plunge deeper into worry.
8. Emergencies Concerning the Child
Emergencies are a major cause of worry for everyone, and single moms are not left out. In fact, the worry could be worse for them because they are all alone and in charge of someone.
Single moms often fear that the child could get critically ill or that something out of the normal can happen.
If this worry is common to you, here is how to overcome it:
- Remove harmful Objects: Remove harmful objects from your child’s playground. Make sure everything around the child does not pose a threat to the child in one way or another.
- Realize that Emergencies can be Handled: tell yourself this—no matter what happens, you will be able to handle it just fine. You are surrounded by help.
9. You Won’t Get Your Life Back
Many single mothers fall for the thought that they are never going to get their lives back. They feel that becoming a single mom means they will never get to write amazing stories again; they will never get that college degree; they’ll never get back to working in that dream company.
These worries of single moms are valid. But more often than not, they are just mountains the mind makes out of molehills. This is to say; they are not real and only spring out of anxiety.
Being a single mom does not mean you would not have a life outside parenting.
As a single mom, you can have just the quality of life you dreamed of having before becoming a single mom. Overcome the worry of leaving a mediocre life by:
- Being Passionate Once More: go back to doing those things which once used to bring you a sense of fulfillment. If you love sports, go back to being a sportsperson.
- Exercise and Eat healthy: the kind of food we eat has a huge effect on our mood and our enthusiasm. Eat healthily. Do not turn to damaging behaviors like drinking too much.
10. Asking for Help
If you are a single mom, you may worry that you will have to ask for help too much and that people may even start to see you like a bug.
Single mothers can overcome this worry by:
- Realizing It is Sometimes Okay to Ask: it is true. Sometimes, and maybe even a lot of times, we will have to ask for help. This is okay. It does not in any way make you a bad or weak person. In fact, it does make you strong in a way.
- Asking People You Trust; if you must ask anything from anyone, ask people who will not ridicule you in the end. People who have been by your side for a long time.
Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash