A series of studies was conducted by Austrian psychologist Ursula Athenstaedt and her colleagues on the rate of the recovery strategies of 876 youths who went through a break up in their romantic relationships. (1)
Strategies differ in both genders based on the studies. Men were more positive in the notion that they would make up with their ex while women were more bitter and didn’t want to think about giving the relationship another minute.
On further analysis, men are more prone to coping through; having series of short-term or rebound relationships, dedicate long hours to work, drink to stupor or imbibe in drugs to numb off the ‘broken’ heart. Because men are less likely to comfortably open up to people around them. But on the other hand, women give themselves time to heal because they might not want to easily trust their heart in someone else’s hand, seek solace in friends and family or talk it out with a woman who can relate to their predicament.
Sometimes, men will not be able to take responsibility for a broken relationship because they do not perceive problems clearly as women do. This makes it difficult for them to accept that their partner is gone for good.
This trait also happens with women, but not as common as it is with men. If you find yourself still holding on to hopes of re-igniting things with your ex, it means you have not accepted the break-up and moved on.
So, it’s been awhile you broke up, and you’d think by now you would be over your ex, but you’re just not. You’re wondering why you still think about them, thinking about how it used to be or if you’ll ever get over them. Also, you’re fearing you might still be in love with them, thinking maybe you should do everything you can to get back to them. As seen above, you are not alone. There are numerous reasons why this is happening to you. Here are some reasons you find it difficult to get over your ex and how to move forward.
8 Reasons You Can’t Get Over Your Ex And How To Move On
1. Not Enough Time Has Passed
In a culture that has standardized the happy face and has little compassion to handle individuals battling with life, it is not difficult to persuade yourself that you should be over the person in question effectively, regardless of whether the separation just happened less than a couple of months.
This is wrong! Know that there is no timetable on grief. One individual may cry and hurt, then feel okay in less than a month, and someone else will require five months or longer to deal with the agony of separation.
You may feel that there has been “a lot of time” for your heart to recuperate, but this isn’t applicable to everyone. You need additional time than you might suspect, particularly if the relationship lasted for quite a while.
All things considered, there are lots of habits and routines that we create while intimately seeing someone. When we move out of these patterns and thrust into an alternate circumstance, it tends to be difficult to change. It’s practically similar to losing a piece of ourselves. Take it easy on yourself!
2. You Feel You’ll Never Find Somebody Else
A regular sentiment of people who left a relationship without wanting to is that they may never find someone else like their partner. This is a valid reason because your partner just like you and every other person on earth is a unique individual. So, there’s nobody else who is exactly similar to that person.
Notwithstanding, this doesn’t mean that you won’t find somebody who is similarly compatible or much more suitable for you. After all, if your ex were actually that suitable or ideal for you, you wouldn’t have separated! Remember that if they had stayed with you out of a feeling of obligation or something, a one-sided relationship is not emotionally ideal.
3. You Didn’t Get Closure
People fixate on their exes for different reasons, and that includes the reality that you’re probably not going to get any closure.
The truth is, when somebody hurts you, you will not like any of the reasons it occurred. So, trying hard to get clarifications won’t help you in the long run. It’s best to let it go.
4. You Are Afraid Of Being Alone
If being separated from your lover is distressing for you, then there are some self-esteem issues you have to address first. Try being single for some time to work it out. Try to talk to a friend or even think about seeing a therapist regarding these issues.
You won’t be alluring to the right individuals when you’re needy, so abstain from attempting to ease the pain with another person. When you’re come to terms with being separated from your partner, you will attract the right people for you because you will know what to look out for.
5. Your Environment Reminds You of Your Ex
Sometimes, you truly need to start all over again. This is true if your lives are related to each other. After all, each insignificant detail will remind you of your patterns and routines with your ex.
It would be best if you tried changing to your social circle or taking up hobbies. This would be the ideal opportunity to practice being single. The less you see them, the easier you can move on.
6. Your Ex Played Valuable Roles in Your Life
Did you function better with your ex? Did you each have roles in the relationship, or are codependent, and were there things that your ex just took care of for you that now you wind up taking care of all alone?
If this is the trigger, take a step back and reconsider things. Your ex may have been valuable, but that doesn’t mean you should be with them.
You’re most likely not going to fill each role they played in your life, but you can help yourself out by making things easier. Try not to fill each role or look for another person that can replace them. Things will work themselves out with time.
7. There’s Still Communication
Does your ex continue to contact you, although you’re struggling to recuperate from the separation? Make it clear to them you need some time alone.
If you can’t avoid seeing your ex and interacting with them, that maybe what’s keeping you from letting go.
Try to lessen the contacts as much as possible. If there’s no plausible explanation of why your ex calls or message you, it might be the right time to make the boundaries understood.
And if you are the one in correspondence with your ex because of some reason, this makes it much harder to move on. If you still talk or text them regularly and or stalk their social media platforms, you will merely make things harder on yourself. As excruciating as it might be for you, you need to cut those ties and allow yourself to heal.
8. You Feel Guilty or Blame Them For The Separation
Depending on how the separation went down, you may blame your ex for cutting off the relationship and clutching on those negative sentiments.
But if you broke things off, you may feel regretful for ending things the way you did, and maybe while thinking back on it, you realize that you ended things too fast or that you didn’t allow them to amend what they did wrong. Along these lines, you start to feel regretful and begin to romanticize the relationship more than you should, which springs a sizeable amount of different issues. Try to concentrate your emotions on other positive things instead and fill your days with activities that do not include them.
Comprehend that things turned out badly and that the relationship needed to end. Accepting how the circumstance unfurled is significant for moving on. You presumably realized that things were not working out right before the separation, so normally, the relationship had to end.
All in all, stop fretting over the future. You need to relinquish the past. It would help if you accepted the unknown the future brings. It’s alright if you don’t have a plan or arrangement to move forward. Simply
let go of the past because it no longer matches who you are as a person. New things that complement your life better will come into your life.
If you feel depressed after the separation, note that it is only natural to feel sad after a relationship fails; however, if those sentiments linger for too long or are too strong, seeing a therapist might be the right course of action.
See also: How To Save A Dying Relationship