Demisexuality is sometimes difficult sexuality to understand because of the misconceptions around it. Many people who are demisexual do not even realize it until late in their lives—people who are friends with them are even more confused!
In this article, we discuss demisexuality in detail, with the purpose of helping demisexual individuals embrace their sexuality while also helping their friends and potential partners relate with them just the way they should.
What is Demisexuality?
Demi is a word that means half. In other words, demisexuality is, shabbily put, a state of being half-sexual. By half-sexual, we mean that demisexual people exist between asexuality and sexuality.
The key difference between asexual people and demi-sexual ones is the fact that while asexual individuals are not interested in sex in any form, demi-sexual individuals are only interested in sex that promises a chance at heightened emotional connection.
In today’s world, especially on social media, demisexuality is known by many names. Some of these include:
- Semi-sexual (Am I the only one who finds this name sort of funny?)
- Low Sexual Intensity
- Half asexual
- Half sexual
Typically, a demi-sexual individual will feel no sexual attraction towards someone new. That is to say; they will feel no attraction to someone to whom they feel no form of emotional connection.
Demi-sexual individuals are gray-sexual. To be gray-sexual means to only feel the need to have sex sparingly. That is, to exist in the gray area between having sex often and not having sex at all.
Feeling attraction to someone after knowing a lot about them is called secondary attraction. This is what demisexual people feel in contrast to what exists in people who aren’t demi-sexual.
A non-demisexual person can readily feel attraction to even someone they have just met. This is called primary attraction.
There are far more non-demisexual people than there are non-demi-sexual ones, hence the confusion surrounding this form of sexuality.
In subsequent paragraphs, we will explore some of the myths surrounding demi-sexuality and cancel them out for what they all are. Myths.
But first, let us get this straight to the question: who can be demisexual?
The answer is: anyone. Men. Women. Trans people. Anyone can be demisexual.
Demi-sexuality is not a straight-person sexuality. Even gays can be demisexual. In fact, there seems to be a growing number of gay people who are demisexual. Trans people can be demisexual as well.
Myths About Demi-sexuality
1. Only Straight People Can be Demisexual
There is no better way to put this other than anyone who has sex can be demisexual.
Do gay people have sex? Yes. Then, of course, they can be demisexual. Remember that demi-sexuality is the gray area between being a very sexual person and being asexual.
Often, a demisexual person will feel as though they have no interest in sex—at least not until they meet someone with whom they share a bond and things start to straighten out.
2. Demiromanticism is the Same Thing as Demisexuality
This is close to being the truth but not necessarily true. Though similar, demiromantic is not the same thing as demisexuality.
The difference is that demiromantic people have to establish some form of emotional connection with someone before they are able to feel romance toward them.
Whereas demisexual people have to feel an emotional connection to someone before they feel the need to have sex
3. Demisexual People are Sex Starved
This is not true. Demisexual people are not in any way sex-starved. To be starved means to be deprived of the things you need—things that can make you feel better.
Demisexual people may not need as much sex as naturally sexual people would. So, one cannot say that they are starved of sex.
It is, however, possible to feel a bit sex-deprived even as a demisexual, as sex is a primal need for almost all of us humans.
4. Demi-sexual People Never Feel Horny
This is not true. Anyone can feel horny. If demisexual people did not feel horny, they, of course, would not see the need to have sex with anyone at all.
But they do feel horny, and this is why they seek to have sex with people whom they find emotionally drawn to.
5. Demisexual People Need to Be in Love to Have sex
This is close to the truth but still a misconception. Demisexual people do not necessarily have to be in love with anyone to have sex with them.
They just have to feel connected to the person someone. Remember that connection can exist in many forms outside the confines of a romantic relationship.
In this light, a demisexual person can have sex with someone whom they consider a very close friend or ally.
6. Demisexual People Are Prudish
Of course not; they aren’t. I have met a number of demisexual people in my life, and none of those were people I would consider prudish people.
7. Demisexual People are Afraid of Sex
No, they are not. Plus, the word here should not be afraid. Demisexual people are only not as interested in sex as naturally sexual people.
8. Demisexual People Are Bad in Bed
This is not true in any way. Although a few demisexual people may not be so great in bed, one cannot assume that all demisexual individuals are bad in bed.
9. Demisexuality is Bad
Of course not. It is not!
What’s The Main Difference Between Demisexuality and Other Sexual Preferences?
The difference lies in the kind of attraction that leads to sex.
While demisexual people, as discussed earlier, require secondary attraction before they are open to initiating sex, naturally, sexual people may not.
Secondary attraction is what exists after one has known a person for a while and now feels drawn to them.
Demi sexuality is a confusing form of sexuality. But when one truly understands what sexuality is about, understanding demisexuality becomes easier.