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What If She Has a Boyfriend?

by | Love and Romance

Last updated Jun 10, 2022 | Published on May 15, 2022

If you have ever fallen in love with a woman, you’d agree that it can be painful if she already has a boyfriend. You can’t get her off your mind, and your gut tells you she may have a boyfriend. You don’t really know for sure if she has someone she loves, and you’d like to make a move.

Why Does It Matter?

You like her, and you need to know whether or not you stand a chance with her. 

What Would You Do?

Imagine this scenario: Gerald and Joyce meet for the first time in a park downtown. She tells him he looks taller in person and cuter than in his Facebook pictures. He tells her that she looks better, too, and has a nice smile.  

Even though Gerald is usually a socially awkward person, he finds that he is very comfortable with Joyce. They sit to talk about a lot of things, about work and Gerald’s recent book project. When it’s time to leave, Joyce hugs Gerald. 

They would hang out a couple of times after then, during evenings, when they were both closed from work, and Gerald would find himself thinking about her a lot after each time spent together. 

He has intentions to ask her out, to relay his feelings to her.

One day, however, Joyce mentions a “Dave” in her conversation with Gerald. She mentions the name with a smile on her face, gently, as if it’s the name of someone special. 

Gerald believes that Dave is Joyce’s boyfriend. He isn’t sure, but he wants to know if Joyce really has a boyfriend before asking her out

If you were Gerald, what would you do?

What Do You Want?

We all want something from friendships, from relationships. The amount of energy you’ll put into getting something is going to be determined by how bad you want that thing.  

So, you think she has a boyfriend. How does this make you feel? 

Be truthful to yourself. Does it make you feel discouraged, or you don’t mind? 

Follow your deepest instincts. 

Accept The Possibility

Accept it. Yes, she is amazing and makes you laugh a whole lot, makes you feel things you thought you wouldn’t feel again, but it’s just possible she has a boyfriend. 

Prepare yourself for this.  

If you have got hobbies, spend some more time doing your hobbies. Go biking. Play an instrument. Grab a good book. 

Observe

If you seek to know if she has a boyfriend, then you just have to observe her. 

If, for example, you have her on your social media, observe what she posts. What is her relationship status? Does it read single? 

Are there photos of her with a particular guy in a pose you find flirtatious? 

How does she act around you? Does she flirt? If she does, then she may not likely have a boyfriend.

Ask Her

Ask her if she has a boyfriend. You may ask this in a casual way if you want. But, ask. 

Oops. She Has a Boyfriend

Okay, you asked, and she has a boyfriend. Don’t bother about it much. Sometimes, we don’t get what we want. And it’s fine. Loving someone who is taken can be hard and can even become unhealthy, so you just have to be careful. 

Return to your hobbies. Try not to stalk her. Accept that you’re an amazing person regardless, and don’t give in to the desire to chase what you can’t get. 

Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash

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By Aleksandra Nico

Dr. Aleksandra Nico is a licensed clinical psychologist. She is in private practice in Brunswick and has experience in a wide variety of areas, including mood-related difficulties, anxiety, psychosis, trauma, addictions, personality disorders, and anger management. Dr. Nico completed a Ph.D. at the University of Nevada. Her goal is not to make very good people out of good, but to get the unique out of them.

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