It is not uncommon for couples to sense some blandness in their relationships once in a while. This is especially true for ones who have been together for a while. Things just happen to get a little ‘boring’ over time, and the intimacy starts to squeeze itself out the door. If you are at that point in your relationship, this article shows you 10 simple ways to bring back the intimacy in your relationship.
1. Is there Lingering Resentment?
When you first notice that there is a switch in how intimate your relationship has become, the first thing to look out for is lingering resentment.
Resentment is simply the feeling that comes with suppressed hurt. Since with relationships, you most likely will hurt your partner in some way or the other, and often so, resentment can show up.
Have you done anything to hurt your partner lately? Has your partner done anything to hurt you? Then perhaps you both have to find ways to deal with it.
What communication does is that it clears the air and gives intimacy more room to breathe. Think of intimacy as a living, vital part of your relationship.
Living things have to breathe. They will choke and die if you take out the air in the room.
Same way, if you don’t communicate a lot in your relationship, your intimacy in that relationship will be choked, and it will fizzle out.
Too many couples don’t know how to communicate. But I tell you, this is how to communicate with your partner:
- With purpose: each time you sit to talk with your partner, you should know that you are doing something purposeful, even if that doesn’t seem clear. Sometimes, communication is meant to solve problems, and other times, it is just a means to bond.
- No blames: we spoke about resentment earlier. If you are to solve that problem via communication, then you should know better than try to blame your partner.
3. Bring Back the Spark
Every relationship begins with a spark. This is what usually fades over time, taking the intimacy with it. To bring back the intimacy in your relationship, you should find a way to bring the spark back.
How you do this is really just up to you. There are no rules. Every relationship is different, and so you have to do some work figuring out what will bring the spark back. Worth it, I am telling you.
This seems like deadly advice—one that can damage rather than mend your relationship. But, hey, it does work.
Perhaps, and likely so, your partner does not feel that burst of intimacy around you anymore because you have become just that guy or just that girl. That is to say; you have become too available; your presence doesn’t quite make a difference anymore.
It is true that availability can kill attraction. People reach for things that are unavailable in some way, so if you want your partner to feel that intimate attraction for you, then it is time to hand them some space.
5. Be More Confident
When intimacy starts to leave a relationship, what usually happens is: that one partner begins to freak out. They think the relationship has reached its end and will never have the time to talk to their partners or love them the way they always have.
This panicking upsets a kind of neediness in that partner, so they become too needy and clingy, choking their partners with attention far more than what’s necessary.
Rather than fix things, this outburst of attention messes things up much more, drowning the intimacy.
I should add that intimacy, more or less, depends on attraction. Anything that messes with attraction messes with the intimacy of the relationship. Be confident. Know that it is just a phase, and it’ll pass.
6. Become Vulnerable
Intimacy is an emotional response to vulnerability. We are attracted intensely to people who can reach parts of us no one else can—our vulnerable spots.
Become vulnerable with your partner, and watch the intimacy bloom once more. Find ways to make them vulnerable with you too.
Let your conversations become more emotional now; talk about feelings and memories, and don’t hold back. Try not to talk about things that hurt you both in the past.
7. Do Stuff Together
When the intimacy fades, and you have given your partner some space to miss you, they will almost always feel intense attraction for you again.
What you do then, at that point of attraction, determines if the attraction will linger or fade yet again.
By all means, try to do stuff with your partner to bring the intimacy back into the relationship. Cook together. Go jogging together. Be around each other more now.
Don’t miss a chance to touch your partner. And I mean all kinds of touching. Erotic touching. Regular touches. Really, anyone counts. But just make sure you touch your partner every day.
When you go a while without seeing them, welcome them with a hug. Random hugs are perfect.
Sex is going to reduce a bit when intimacy starts to wane. But you should not let it. Like communication, sex is one of the ways a couple can bond with each other.
Spice up your sex lives, and it is going to cause a spark in intimacy. Try out more stuff in bed. Make sex teamwork. Learn to love your partner’s body, and don’t make it about you.
Have you heard about tantric massages? They have been seen to help people improve their sex lives. Read about tantric massages here.
10. Tease Your Partner
Humor can help bring back the intimacy in your relationship. You have to look for ways to incorporate humor into your relationships. The truth is: that humor makes things easy.
Teasing your partner can pull them closer and make them miss you. People love to spend time with whoever makes them laugh.
Photo by Reed Naliboff on Unsplash