Have you noticed that you seem to be dating the same type of guy? Look back at every guy you have found attractive, and I can bet you would find a lot of similar traits. This shows that your attraction to these types of guys has little to do with the guys themselves; it has so much to do with you. We find ourselves in others.
In this article, I have grouped the types of guys into nine groups, each group having similar traits. We discuss what your attraction to them may say about you.
1 The Avoidant Guys
Avoidant guys may be very charming and very loving at first when the commitment hasn’t been established yet. But over time, they begin to take the form of a nightmare, avoiding you, leaving you with one too many questions about whether or not they feel anything for you.
Avoidance, in itself, signals trauma. Men who put up this behavior may have been neglected as children or made to feel as though they did not matter. In the same vein, dating avoidant men may also be a trauma response.
Your attraction to avoidant men may mean you, through the course of your life, have had to prove yourself to a significant person in your life who didn’t seem to care whether or not you tried.
It may have been a parent or even a best friend.
You can deal with this by coming to understand that you do not have to prove yourself to anyone. You are amazing and deserving of love in its purest form.
2. Clingy Guys
Pathologically clingy men will blow up your phone every hour they don’t hear your voice. They will send you long texts so frequently that you become tired out.
Bekky has told us: “Clingy men are exhausting.”
Clinginess is usually a behavior put up when we are afraid and/or feel neglected.
But an attraction to clingy people means we feel the need to be depended on.
Feeling the need to be depended on can sometimes be normal, especially in women who are older siblings and have had to take care of their younger ones.
These women will often want to be with clingy men, as their instincts to mother and nurture are pretty high.
But there are times when dating clingy men means you struggle with being what I call the “Miss Important.” Syndrome.
You want to be important. So much it makes you seek out people who are dependent on you. You can deal with this by paying more attention to yourself.
Women who have the “Miss Important” syndrome often neglect themselves in a bid to be there for their men.
Do not be that away. Be yourself. And understands that someone who is dependent on you isn’t such a great idea when it comes to relationships.
Relationships should involve two adults who can live without each other just fine but choose not to.
Women may also be drawn to clingy men because they don’t want to feel alone for a minute and haven’t yet grown enough to enjoy their own company.
3. The Narcissist
Narcissists are naturally skilled at the art of emotional manipulation.
They can make you feel worthless for their own mistakes. At first, like most guys who have emotional pathologies, they do seem nice and seemingly perfect.
This is because narcissists are great at concealing. But they don’t do the hiding for too long. Some traits will eventually seep out to give them out as narcissists.
Dating narcissists may mean you are a narcissist yourself.
You see, narcissists may love to harm others emotionally. But they seem to love even more to be harmed by others. A narcissistic woman will often seek out a man who is able to manipulate her.
Why she seeks out this kind of man is not clear.
My theory is that she may do so for one of two reasons:
- To prove to Herself that she is Boss: narcissists love to be dared. It is not uncommon for a narcissist to dare himself or herself over and over in one day. You may be drawn to a narcissistic man even when you know he is unhealthy for you because you subconsciously have gotten into a battle of the most toxic with him. “I bet he cannot damage me.”
- She Loves the Emotional Activity; many of the narcissists I have met in the course of my work have been ones who agreed they are bored by the absence of drama. You may be drawn to a narcissistic man because you seek drama in its purest form when you are with him.
Whatever the case, narcissism can surely be dealt with if only you would give yourself time and enough courage. Resist the desire to always be around drama.
4. The Controlling Guys
At the core of every controlling guy is a scared guy.
Control, you see, is a behavior of the afraid.
People who try to control others are very afraid of being betrayed.
People who try to control life are afraid that the outcome of things will not favor them.
But life doesn’t always have to be controlled. In fact, it is sometimes better enjoyed when one lets the flow of things take its course.
People who are attracted to controlling people, on the other hand, seem to have issues with their self-esteem.
They may believe too little in themselves and feel the need to always be supervised.
Even though it might hurt them, they love to be told what to do.
If you notice you are very attracted to controlling guys, you may want to take a step back and really consider what you think about yourself.
You will find that things get better when you start to have a better self-image.
Building a self-image takes time. But sooner or later, you will begin to see remarkable improvements.
5. Guys Already in Relationships
Some women go after these types of guys who are already in relationships. This may mean you don’t feel good enough for your own relationships.
It may mean you seek to prove to yourself that you can “snatch” anyone you want to.
Behavior like that stems from a problem with self-esteem.
6. Guys Who Need to be Fixed
By fixed, we mean emotionally or mentally. Sometimes, even financially.
These types of men usually have such bad traits no one wants to be with them. The fact that you want to means something is wrong somewhere.
It may stem from your childhood. If you had a parent or guardian that struggled with an addiction, for example, and constantly needed fixing, you would be dating these types of guys who need to be fixed.
We are usually drawn to what appears the most in our childhood.
It may also mean that you seek to be depended on. Or that you just want to be seen as the woman who “fixes.”
Whatever the case is, try as much as you can to convince yourself that you are better off with someone who doesn’t need to be fixed.
You can get the full package of love and commitment without struggling too hard.
7. The Disloyal
Disloyal guys are insanely exhausting. They can turn you into someone you never hoped you would become.
You may have to spend nights awake, thinking about where you got it wrong.
But here is the thing, you didn’t get it wrong anywhere. They’re disloyal because they are.
Your attraction to them means you are codependent, especially if you have tried a couple of times to leave but seem to be stuck.
Codependency can be dealt with by showering yourself with some more tenderness.
You deserve the tenderness that is true love and loyalty.
Dating disloyal men may also mean you have issues with commitment yourself. Some women are so scared of commitment that they would rather be with.
Cheat than be with someone who holds them accountable.
8. The Leech
These are the types of guys that suck you dry without giving you anything in return.
Your attraction to them may mean you want to be leeched on.
Women who want to be leeched on most times are codependent. They want to empty themselves into someone who doesn’t even pour a drop into them.
Well, you deserve much better.
Much, much better than you like to accept you do.
Relationships are supposed to be partnerships.
9. Nice Guys
By nice guys, I mean guys who just agree with anything you say or do.
Guys who are “pushovers.”
With them, everything you say stands.
They don’t the least have an influence on your decisions and actions within the relationship.
It is you who calls the shots.
Your attraction to these types of guys may mean you are a controlling person. Most likely a narcissist.
Controlling people will usually seek out easy targets. People who are too nice. Too accommodating.
The people we find most attractive are usually mirrors of ourselves.