During tough times in marriage, it’s sometimes difficult to stay optimistic unless you’ve got some superhuman powers. That’s why figuring out exactly how to stay optimistic can help you figure out how to withstand the inevitable difficult times.
Even the most amazing couples are likely to go through tough times at some point in their marriage. During these difficult times, the beautiful thing might begin to seem not so beautiful anymore, as one or both partners might begin to feel drained and wonder what exactly is going on.
This is especially true if they do not know how to handle the situation properly; if their optimism begins to wane, they start to look at the dark side rather than the bright side of things.
Are you going through tough times with your partner? It helps to know that this could be the start of something beautiful. You just have to keep your optimism intact.
These 10 tips will help you stay optimistic during tough times in marriage:
1. Trust Yourself, and Trust Your Partner
You should realize that nothing destroys your marriage unless either you or your partner, or maybe even both of you, lets it.
This marriage is yours. You and your partner built the beautiful thing from nothing, and it is the duty of both of you guys to sustain it.
Having difficult times? Trust yourself. Remember how you promised to stick to each other no matter what. Remember, also, how your partner promised to be there for you.
Trust him or her. You both are bigger than whatever you’re going through. You love each other, and your will to stay together is unflinching.
2. Do Not Look for an Escape
When we go through tough times, it is easy for us to run away or turn towards the seemingly easy route. But the easy way is not necessarily the right way.
It seldom helps to run when we come face to face with uncomfortable situations. The best we can do sometimes is to deal with whatever comes at us head-on.
Realize that your marriage can make it through tough times unscathed. Clinical psychologist Carla Manly, Ph.D., says that both partners just have to be flexible, team-oriented, and empathetic in the face of tough situations.
Begin to see your partner as your teammate. On a soccer field, all teammates win and lose together. No one decides to abandon his or her teammate because they are taking a beating.
They all keep playing together until they either win or lose. That is being optimistic.
3. Don’t Listen to Everyone
We are humans and are drawn to seeking help once in a while. When we go through hard times in our marriages, it’s likely that we are going to speak to our closest friends about it as a way to find release.
When we talk to our friends, we should note that not everything they say should be accepted as true. We should have a mind of our own and decide what good advice and bad advice is. People give advice from their own experiences, and that’s fine. It is left to us to pick what is good for us and what is not.
4. Observe Your Mentors
I believe there are people you look up to—people who have been married for a while, whose marriage motivates you. It may be your mom and dad, your grandma and grandpa, etc.
To stay optimistic in tough times, observe these experienced couples. Watch how they still love each other after this long, how they hold hands when they walk down the street. How does it make you feel? Great, I think.
Realize that they could not have made it this far without being optimistic during some tough moments here and there. Also, realize that your marriage can last that long, too, and can be just as beautiful. Let their marriage motivate you.
5. Memories Are Golden
If you are going through tough times with your partner, you can draw optimism from the beautiful memories you both share.
Remember the many times you had the fun of your lives together. It wasn’t someone else. It was him and it was her. No alien from the moon made it happen. It was all you guys.
Realize that those times can come back once more. And that you both can smile as brightly as you did in the pictures on your phone or showcase.
Yearn genuinely to share those moments again.
6. Talk to Your Partner
Your partner is your teammate. You both can talk about anything that concerns you. That includes even the tough times you are experiencing. It will help you guys to be optimistic.
Talk about the fun times you have both shared. Talk about the first day you met, how awkward he looked, and how shy he was.
Reaffirm your commitment and love to each other. Promise to handle things amicably, without reclining to blame games.
Don’t try to manipulate your partner or guilt-trip them. Even if they may be at fault in some ways, don’t blame them or make them feel bad about themselves. Your communication should be stuffed with love.
7. Go Out Together
Memories can become real life if you let them. Let’s say you see a picture from long ago of you and your partner in a museum. It helps to try as much as you can to make this picture a reality.
Go out with them. Visit places you both visited when you both were still having things going well for you. Play those games you both used to play, etc.
8. Identify The Source of the Trouble
Tough times don’t sprout from the air. They all have a source. Something you should know is causing the rift between you and your partner. You should try to identify this thing.
- Is it your finances?
- Is it trust?
- Do you suspect your partner is cheating on you?
Whatever it is after you have identified it, work to make it go away.
9. Talk to a Counselor
When your optimism begins to wane, it may be time to talk to a marriage counselor. Tell your counselor exactly how you feel and take their professional advice.
Professional advice can be very helpful to your marriage.
10. Give It Time
Know that tough times don’t last forever. They come, and they go. Whatever it is you and your partner are experiencing, give it time.
Try your best, and let it be. Trust what you both share, and also know that this too shall pass.
Photo by Külli Kittus on Unsplash