Single mothering is going to change your life. For good, I mean, if you know just what to do. It may be difficult, especially if you are starting all over as a single mother. But difficult is not impossible. Many single mothers out there who did start all over have gone on to become some of the most amazing mothers out there. This can be you. I am positive about that. Check out these 10 tips on how you can start all over as a single mother, raising your child to become a star:Â
1. Heal
Many times, starting all over will always include some healing. Your starting over as a single mom may be as a result of a bad breakup—that is to say, a divorce, or may be as a result of something else. Whatever it is, you have just got to fund a way to heal from whatever pain and resentment you are currently harboring.
Let all that resentment go, but give yourself as much time as you will need. Healing may take a while, you see, and this is perfectly normal. Just let the process stretch itself out.
You can make healing easier for you by:
- Getting Therapy: maybe it is too hard. The anxiety, envy, or hate are getting too much for you. Then it may just be time to get Therapy. Talk to a counsellor you trust about the impact your failed relationship or loss has on you and your health.
- Talk to Someone You Trust: when starting over as a single mom, you have got to get yourself a confidant. It is easier to overcome barriers and challenges when we are not alone. You sure are not alone. You have got friends and family who just want to see you shine.
- Do not keep the feelings in: one of the things that can stop us from healing is keeping feelings bottled up. When we do this, there is almost always a physical presentation; our chest may start to hurt, and our blood pressure may just go up. Let go of every bad feeling you are storing up—unforgiveness, most especially. Let all the hurt go, and embrace positivity.
2. Fix Every Custody Problem
When your being a single mother is the result of a breakup or a marriage failure, there is almost always going to be a custody problem if you do not sort it out at the beginning when things are just taking shape.
The father might just show up one day and claim that you have illegal custody of the child. Believe me; you do not want all that drama in your life at this point. Not now, not in the future.
What you need is a simple and loving, and peaceful life with your child. So, sort out everything that has to do with custody, and I mean legally. Papers. Documents. Courts.
If your spouse is going to be paying child support or some form of alimony, have it sorted out too. Talk about how often he is going to want to see the child and how much of the child’s life he is going to be involved in.
3. Get You a Place
Starting over as a single mother is probably going to involve moving out of your old house. This is not uncommon. Many single mothers like to move out of their old houses, and for a good reason, when single motherhood dawns on them.
You have to get yourself a place. And it has got to be a place that is safe for both you and your child or children.
Remember that it is not just you anymore. It is your child, too, and you are in charge of that child’s life and well-being. At least most of it.
Your house does not have to render you broke or anything like that. Choose a house that suits your bills; you have got to have enough money left to take care of yourself and your kids even after buying a house. A house with good neighbors.
4. Be Optimistic
It requires a lot of mental strength to start all over at anything. No matter how small it is, starting all over as a single mom is quite hard. No matter how hard it gets, you have to find a way to keep your optimism blazing.
Here is how you achieve that:
- Read Books; now, the importance of books can seldom, if ever, be overemphasized. Through books, we can peer into the lives of people who share our struggles, who have been where we are at and survived just fine. Find motivation in reading non-fiction books and believing in yourself.Â
- Videos; if you do not like to read books a lot, maybe it is time to try watching videos. The important thing is that you find motivation and optimism.Â
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5. The Goal
Starting all over means the goal is going to change. When you were still together with your ex-lover, the goal was the raise the child together. It had to be. But now? You just have to create another goal. This includes both long-term goals and short-term goals.
You don’t have to be rash about setting your goals. Take your time. What do you want? For yourself, I mean. And now, what do you want for your child?
Your goals have to be both reasonable and achievable. Reasonable suggests that they don’t have to put too much strain on you and your children.
6. Family and Friends
When you are starting over as a single mom, you may be tempted to let your friends and family go. This may happen as a result of stigma or segregation. I will tell you this: there are going to be a lot of stigmas thrown at you, especially if you live in an environment where people are fond of judging each other.
Brace yourself up for this; find a way to ward off the stigma and love yourself for the amazing person that you are. Love your family now more than ever. And don’t let friends who stick by you go,
Hold them dear and try as much as you can to be present for them when they need you. Listen to them talk; go on dates with them. Just keep the friendships blooming.
7. Focus on You Too
When you are just entering into single motherhood, you may think that you owe all your time and attention to parenting. This isn’t exactly true.
You see, as a single mother, you too have a life, and you should live this life in a way that you enjoy. For you to be great at what you are doing, you have first got to enjoy it—and for you to enjoy it, you have got first to enjoy your own life.
Do not abandon the life you once used to love very much. Go back to doing your hobbies. Take care of your body and be present for yourself when you have to be. Read literature. Watch movies. Some social media is fine.
8. The Children
Focus on being there for the children. Be present for them whenever they need you. Parenting can be hard work. As I mentioned before, you have to be optimistic and not back down when things get hard.
When you become a single mom, it isn’t going to be just you who takes a hit. From time to time, the children are going to take hits, too; they are going to miss their father, the old house, the old life.
This is normal. Do not make them feel terrible for it. Be patient, too, and please do not be complacent.
Do not let them get away with just anything. Don’t hand them the impression that they can go on about anything. Start early; teach them values that will stick.
9. Money
Money may be an issue when you are just starting all over as a single mother. But it is nothing you cannot find your way around.
Some single mothers have it easier than some. Some who get child support and alimony may not be hit very hard. But for others, not so easy.
If you are having money problems, then you should consider these:
- Freelancing: freelancing is a great option for single moms because you work from home. You don’t have to be gone for hours a day. You spend time with your kids while doing your job. There are many freelance agencies out there. One of the most common are Upwork and Fiverr. You just have to create an account, and you are good to go, selling your skill.
- Getting a remote job: maybe you just have to get a remote job if you don’t have one. Check how to succeed as a working mom here.
10. Dating Again
Sometimes, you may just want to date again after a breakup. Think about it hard before you say yes to the next man who comes.
Is it too early? Will it add value to you, especially now? If yes, then by all means, you should.
A home with two understanding mates is ideal. It is well established that two loving people who are together can usually offer more emotional resources, support, guidance, and protection for their kids.
Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash
