Everything ends. Sadly, even the best of friendships. You may discover that your best friend isn’t a best friend anymore. Sometimes, the friendship ends in a way that is clear—this is especially true if there has been a big misunderstanding. Other times, they end more subtly, leaving you with many questions that mess up your mood.
In this article, we will be exploring those friendships that come to an end very subtly. Even though you may not want to accept it, these 10 signs show that your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore.
1. You Feel it In Your Gut
It is often best to trust your gut, especially when you are sure that your gut is not speaking out of anxiety.
We interviewed a couple of young men and women on Twitter before putting up this article, and each one of them agreed to sense something just before it became crystal clear that their friendship was done.
Geraldine was the most expressive about what she felt.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” She said. “But I just know something was wrong. I felt it inside of me. Sometimes, it did feel like a dull ache in my chest. Other times, it felt like I was doing too much and needed to tone it down.”
Do you feel even slightly the way Geraldine describes her own feelings? Then it is very likely that you are losing that best friend. They may not be a best friend, at least to you, anymore. (Read: 10 Key Reasons Men Pull Away)
2. You Sense Them Holding Back
This is often the second sign that shows your best friend is pulling away and is soon going to be another one of those people to you. The moment you sense them holding back, something is wrong.
By holding back, I mean information; they no longer tell you that much. This is not to say that you both do not talk anymore. Of course, you do. But something isn’t just right.
It has been a week, and all you have gotten are surface responses to your questions.
Something like:
— “How are you?”
— “Oh, dear, I am fine.”
— “How did your day go?”
— “It went so well: I went to the mall.”
None of this is normal, especially if you approached the conversation with a lot of enthusiasm. It can make you feel quite weird and, ignored and unhappy.
3. They Are Overcompensating
That is, they are overcompensating. To understand why this happens, we will have to understand why friendships end in the first place. It all boils down to one word: resentment.
And resentment can come in many forms. It can come as crippling jealousy. It can also come from feeling too below your standards. It can come from a disparity in character. The list is endless, but the result is the same: resentment, left unchecked, is a killer of even the strongest friendships.
Usually, when the best friend who is planning to leave feels himself resenting you, harboring thoughts of walking away from your life, they feel a bit guilty about it.
Guilt is a heavy burden to carry, and so they try as much as they can to make it lighter. This makes them turn to overcompensate you.
Whenever you notice someone overcompensating, understand that there is guilt there somewhere.
A few ways a best friend planning to walk away may overcompensate includes:
- Being too nice: that is, they become far nicer than normal. They smile more when they see you and lean in for hugs more. It is usually so obvious that you can sense something wrong.
- Sending gifts.
- Talking too much.
Read: 10 Surefire Signs He Has a Girlfriend
4. You Stumble on a Weird Rumor About You
This is another way awful people may try to buffer their own feelings: by spreading lies.
Of course, when the friendship ends, people are going to ask what went wrong. The friend who tells lies about you doesn’t want to be the one who admits to the fault. They want you to seem like the bad one: the one who messed the friendship up for whatever reason.
I have seen this happen one too many times to miss it as a sign that a best friend is no longer interested in being friends with you.
Once in my high school years, a rumor about me flew around for weeks. Until one morning, I found out my then-best friend had been directly involved in spreading it. I confronted her, and she said: “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.”
That was her way of trying to ease her guilt, of convincing herself that I was the bad guy and she the good guy.
When next you hear rumors about yourself, do me a favor: don’t even think about it. Let it all go, and enjoy your life.
5. They Lie to You
When the friendship is about to end, they won’t only lie about you: they will lie to you as well.
I don’t know you, but I can almost predict you would make up excuses for them (or have already done so) the first couple of times they lie to you. But I tell you what: no matter the excuse you make for or take from them, best friends should never lie to each other, especially about sensitive things.
Let’s say the lie happens once. That is fine. Twice? That can pass. But three times? Oh, no, they are being really toxic to you and should be out of your life sooner than later.
You may want to make their leaving happen even sooner; confront them about the lie. If they try to gaslight you, let them know you will no longer be having any of that. (Read: 5 Signs She Likes You But Only as a Friend)
6. You Can No Longer Count on Them
In Bruno Mar’s song, Count on Me, the artist says: “You can count on me like one, two, three, and I’ll be there.”
I don’t know if you understand how deep these lyrics go.
They run deep into the very foundation of what true friendship should be.
They are no longer your best friend if you cannot count on them.
How do you know you can no longer count on them?
- They spread awful rumors about you.
- For some unknown reason, they have been very “busy” lately.
- They make excuses as to why they cannot come to your events even when it means so much to you.
- You feel it in your gut that they aren’t trustworthy anymore.
- You do not feel safe.
It is needful that I add that the moment the feeling of safety leaves friendship, the friendship is as good as done, and they are no longer a best friend anymore.
7. They Bully You With Your Trauma
This is often very subtle bullying. Oftentimes, it comes like a joke.
Lambert told us: “I could not believe what was happening. He always found a way to joke about something I had explained to him that deeply hurt me in the past. One time, he made this insensitive joke about my childhood. I cried, and I knew the friendship was done.”
Need I say more?
They are no longer your best friend if they do not keep their jokes and bants away from the trauma you have had to deal with in the past. Do them the honor of leaving them, letting them be on their own whilst you stay on your own.
Read: 10 Signs You Are in a Toxic Friendship (And How to Deal with it)
8. They Try to Manipulate You
Best friends do not manipulate each other. They are open to each other about their feelings and do not see the need to deny or completely block the vulnerability.
If you find that he or she has been trying to manipulate you, then I am quite sorry; they are not going to be your best friend for long anymore.
You might want to start detaching, letting yourself breathe.
9. They Mention The “New” People They Hang Out With Often
Like resentment, another thing that can bring friendships to an end is “distractions.”
Your best friend may stop being a best friend when he or she is distracted from you.
Distractions could mean they have gotten a new romantic partner. I have seen this one happen one too many times. And I can tell you have as well. The friendship seems to be going pretty smoothly until one party starts dating, and then things go downhill.
Sometimes, it is not even a romantic partner. It may be a new set of friends who have moved into the neighborhood or started working at their office. Whatever it is: if they mention a couple of new friends around the time when they start to act up, then something is wrong. (Read: How To Know Friendship Or Romance Signals)
10. If it is One-sided
This is often the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The moment you begin to feel as though you are trying too hard to keep things working, it is time to let go; stop trying. Your best friend isn’t a best friend anymore.
Summary
Even the best of friendships end at one point or the other. When you see all these indications in your best friend, take it as a sign that your best friend isn’t a best friend anymore. Strap on your walking boots and move on.
