When people are told to go ‘no contact,’ they usually have two fears: will it work? What if it doesn’t? The answer to the first question is: it will. It almost always does. If you are observant enough, you will likely know when it starts to work. This will make it easier for you to make your next move, which is supposed to be initiating contact again. Here are 10 signs the no-contact rule is working:
1. You Don’t Feel Too Disturbed About What They’re Up to Anymore
At the start of the no contact, you are most likely going to be consumed by fears about what they are up to.
Some of your biggest fears will be: what if they move on? What if they give me a very hard time when I try to come back into their life?
But as time progresses, you will no longer be so driven by these fears. When this happens, you should know the no-contact rule has begun to work.
Many people make the mistake of thinking the no-contact rule is aimed at changing the other person. While it is, to an even larger extent, it is aimed at giving you some time to clear your head and gain back some control in the relationship.
This is why we will usually suggest someone goes no contact when they start to feel overwhelmed by their relationship.
2. You Talk to Other People Now
When you begin no contact, there is going to be a lot of toxic guilt moving inside of you when you talk to other people.
Ubong Johnson believes this guilt is a shadow of our attachment to our absent or disrespectful partner.
“When we have been dependent on someone for a long time, it gets hard to talk to someone else because we feel like we are betraying them. By ‘talk,’ I do not mean to speak to someone else in a way that breeds romance. I mean, actually texting. People who need no contact are usually ones who text the same person all night, every night, texting no one else.”
If you find that it is easy to talk to new people and give them those little details about your day, the No Contact rule is working.
3. You Can Now See Things About Your Relationship You Had Been Blind To
The no-contact rule will open your eyes when it starts to work. You will start to see much stuff you had kept up with which you really weren’t supposed to keep up with.
Sometimes, your emotional response to this will be anger. Other times, you will not be so bothered.
A lot of people decide it is time to let go of a relationship while they are still in no contact.
Do not be surprised if you feel the need to let your relationship go a couple of weeks or months into no contact.
Typically, you can expect the no-contact rule to start working in around two weeks. It can take more, but it almost always starts working around two weeks.
4. You Enjoy Your Company Better
When you start to enjoy your company, and I mean deeply enjoy your company, it is then safe to say that no contact is working.
No contact will make you much less independent of the other partner. If it does not, if you still feel many dependencies, then no contact has not worked yet.
5. They Try Too Hard to Put It In Your Face That They Are Unbothered
I have told someone that one of the best things about being human is that we can pick up on even the littlest clues when we pay attention.
Do you know you can pick up on someone’s trying too hard? I believe you do.
If, for some reason, you feel like your partner is trying too hard to show you that they aren’t bothered by your going no contact, then your no contact is working.
A practical example is a partner who keeps posting that they are strong and independent and can’t ‘beg’ anyone. Such a partner is most times projecting and truly misses you.
In reality, they cannot wait for you to break the no-contact rule.
6. Their Friends Reach Out to You
If you are with someone who is very proud, the person with whom you are going to have no contact may rather kick stones than be the first to break no contact.
No matter how much it burns them, they will rather feign composure than blow their cover.
When it gets too much for them to keep up with, though, they will ask their friends to help out.
I have done this myself, so I know how it works.
“Hey,” They will tell their friends: “Can you go ask my woman how she is doing? Try to ask her about me too.”
If a friend asks about your man or woman when in no contact, it is best you believe that they were sent.
You can tease this friend by saying: ‘Did she send you to reach out to me?”
If the answer to the question is yes, the friend is going to laugh and maybe ask you to go back to talking to your man.
7. You Can Pick on Hints That they Are Stalking You
It is easy to tell when someone is stalking you, especially on social media. And one who is really affected by your not contacting them is almost always going to go into stalker mode.
This is because no contact deeply confuses the other person. They don’t know what you are up to, and this makes them deeply attracted to you.
You may not know this, but mystery is the driving force of attraction. We are very attracted to what we cannot understand.
And many times, this attraction is not always a “good” feeling.
Love is always a good feeling. Attraction? Not all the time. Sometimes, it can be a very deep sense of jealousy, like one a stalking partner feels when you maintain no contact for longer than they had hoped.
If you do pick on any of these hints, then it is safe to say that no contact is working:
– They like your picture and quickly unlike it.
– They poke you.
– They like one of your comments on a page or group.
8. They Post a Picture of You Both Together
Sometimes, people are petty enough to attempt to break no contact by cat-fishing the other person.
When they post a picture of you both together, they are only baiting you to respond. And that is because they miss you but don’t want to let go of their ego.
But ego is the very thing that brought you both to this point, isn’t it?
Don’t be tempted to respond. This will not fix anything. Over the course of weeks or days, they may act normal. But if you keep talking to them, they will go back to the belief that made you seek no contact in the first place.
This makes you believe that you cannot do without them no matter what. Prove them wrong.
Only respond to them when their ego has been broken to the point that they seek you out.
That is when you know you have won. This is when you drive the point home: you will no longer be made to feel like a leach.
9. They Reach Out to Someone Close to You
As no contact draws to an end, they will surely run out of moves. And slowly, it will start to dawn on them that they have lost; they cannot win.
The last weapon in their arsenal, they would pull out at this point, is reaching out to someone you deeply respect in a bid to get that person to cajole you into texting them.
Whenever someone close to you reaches out with talks that seem too specific, questions like: “When last did you speak to your partner?”
It is safe to assume that your partner had reached out to them and asked that they reach out to you.
At this point, you should take a very deep breath and smile really hard because no contact is working.
I can promise you that they will surely reach out in less than a week from now. If they don’t, it will not go past two weeks.
10. They Reach Out
Now, you know you have won.
No contact ends, and it has worked when they reach out to you. You can start talking to them when their message enters your inbox.
If you don’t, you may be negating the effects of no contact without evening knowing it.
That is to say; you may be sending signals that you have truly moved on. This may make your partner start the process of moving on, too.
The no-contact rule almost always works. If it does not work, then it is safe to say they did not love you as much as you did.