Have you ever wondered why this happens? Why do people get back with an ex-partner after a breakup? Why are Google searches many times flooded with questions like: “How to get my ex back?” Here is just what you need to know.
It is fairly common to see someone get back with an ex-partner to start a new relationship. They could have spent days or weeks apart after the breakup but somehow begin to nurse a longing—which they give into, of course—to return to their relationships. Sometimes, many times even, it usually is not the first break up. It may be the third or fourth or may have even become a pattern.
Here are 7 reasons why people get back with their ex-partner.
1. The partner has changed is a Factor
To help you understand why make-ups happen, it is important first to understand why breakups happen in the first place. Many breakups happen as a result of perceived toxicity and communication problems, which lead to trust issues. One partner may have cheated on the other.
In a study done by Kansas State University in 2013, it was shown that many couples who return to dating each other after a breakup genuinely believe that the partner who was faulting had somehow managed to change for the better.
If the breakup happens because of a communication problem, they believe that the partner has somehow learned to communicate more effectively—that he or she has now become trustworthy.
In this case, all that is really needed to make a person change their mind might be a decent apology and a promise that whatever caused the breakup is never going to happen again.
Since we are incapable of understanding everything, we are not exonerated from making or feeling like we have made the wrong choices once in a while.
Many times, people who reunite after a breakup go through phases of regret shortly after the breakup itself. They sit up at night or go through the day wondering if they had made the right decision, even though it may have felt so right at first.
Their friends and family could also fuel this regret. This is especially true if friends and family love and appreciate their partner very much.
The family could push a person into reuniting with his or her ex-partner in this case. They could convince the person that the other person is not a bad person and that it is such a great idea to get back together with their ex.
3. Meeting and Getting to Love New People is Hard
When people break up, a harsh reality hits them—they will have to go into another relationship sooner or later. This very thought is sometimes uncomfortable, especially with people who aren’t exactly interested in meeting new people.
You see, it really is hard to meet new people and build relationships from scratch. This is a possible reason why people often return to their ex-partner.
Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., author of Finding Love Again, has this to say: “We often aren’t interested in someone new because we have to get to know someone new, and that takes time.”
For this reason, some people get back to their ex-partner after breaking up.
4. Intimacy Even After the Breakup
Even after breaking up, many, many individuals get back to their exes again because they seem not to let things die away completely. They seem to still hold on to some kind of intimacy.
In 2012, a study was conducted at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee, and Bowling Green State University. And this study found that roughly half of the couples who keep on dating and breaking up and dating again are still engaged in some form of intimacy; that is, they are most likely still having sex.
Sex is powerful. When we have sex, our bodies release hormones that could awaken some attachments, leading to our wanting to renew our relationships and reunite with exes.
Being in a relationship means having someone around you all the time. Or at least, most of the time.
Letting all that go is going to have a toll on a person, no matter how strong the person might be. After breaking up, many people reunite with an ex to start a new relationship because they are usually hit with bouts of loneliness. This is especially true if they are the kind not to allow new people into their lives.
They just sit there and wish they had someone to talk to, someone to listen to. This feeling of loneliness drives them straight to their exes, and a relationship sparks again.
6. They still keep in Touch Quite a lot
Communication is one of the easiest ways to reignite feelings and memories. When couples who break up keep speaking to each other about personal stuff that most times they would not tell a stranger, there is that possibility that they will get back together.
I mean, this is their ex. Not a stranger. This is someone they are comfortable with. Someone who has seen them at their worst and at their best, who most likely understands how they communicate.
They will obviously feel quite safe around him, and this feeling of safety offers room for past feelings to come to light. Especially if the feelings were not properly managed. Many people find it hard to process their feelings after a breakup and so are likely to get back together with exes if they keep communicating intimately with each other.
7. Things Changed
Many times, couples may break up due to external factors and not because they are no longer in love. It may be due to a change in location. If one party moves away from the other and the other doesn’t seem to be cool with long-distance relationships, then they may break up.
Remove the external factors, and it makes it easy for them to return to their previous romantic partner after breaking up and then get back together.
Kali Rogers, a life coach at Blush Online Life Coaching, says, “When a couple breaks up because of external factors, or things they couldn’t control themselves, it’s easier to get back together when these circumstances have changed.”
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash