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The 10 Top Reasons Couples Lose the Spark

by | Love

Sep 11, 2022

It is common for couples to lose the spark. Sometimes, it appears to be a progressive thing. Other times, it seems like something that has happened out of the blue. Whatever the case, it is usually a confusing and painful thing to experience.

The relationship of couples who lose the spark deteriorates further if they overlook the need to keep the relationship in a healthy state. So, the first step to solving the problem is identifying what causes it. In this article, we will be showing you why couples lose the spark and how it happens.

1. Unfulfilled Promises

This has to be one of the commonest reasons why couples lose the spark, and it usually seems to happen progressively over time. 

When one partner promises something to the other but ends up breaking that promise or lingering for too long, there is almost always simmering resentment somewhere. 

Since one party feels like they should not speak up because it will make them seem needy or something, they end up harboring resentment, which will put out the spark in the marriage or relationship. 

2. Not Spending Enough Time Together

While both spouses have a life of their own and should be actively pursuing their own happiness, they sure have a life together as a couple. What keeps a relationship going is time spent in each other’s company, doing things you both love. 

When you start to spend too much time away from each other so that you start to grow comfortable without talking for days and weeks on end, the spark is going to go away. For long-term relationships, this seems to be the major reason why the spark goes away. Online relationships too. 

Read: 15 Signs the Spark in Your Relationship Has Gone

3. Communication Gap

You must have heard the saying that communication is what keeps a relationship going. This is true. A relationship isn’t really a partnership when both couples can’t speak to each other, and frequently so, about their lives. 

Communication gaps prove to be a major reason why couples lose the spark for each other. This happens because, as you go days without speaking to each other, you progressively get more comfortable being alone. 

Even though you may not be comfortable at first, eventually, if you go long enough without talking to your better half, you sure will grow comfortable with being away from them. 

4. Entering Relationships For the Wrong Reasons

Everyone goes into relationships for a particular reason. Sometimes, these reasons are right and attainable. Other times, they are just plain unattainable. 

For example, getting married to someone because you hope that someday they may win a weight-lifting championship even though they have never lifted weights in their lives is just, well, unattainable. 

The spark will always go missing when one enters a relationship like this. It may not be obvious at the start. But eventually, it will start to show. 

5. Unresolved Conflict

Still about resentment. Conflict resolution involves completely expressing all hurt feelings and having them soothed by the person who has offended you. 

If you aren’t able to express hurt feelings, the other party also won’t be able to apologize for the hurt caused. The result is usually a lingering kind of resentment, so better that it can easily put out the spark even in the brightest relationships.

Unresolved conflicts also have an impact on communication and, eventually, intimacy. 

Read: 15 Things Couples Who Never Lose the Spark Have in Common

6. Infidelity

Especially in marriages, this seems to be a major reason couples lose the spark. It gets even more pronounced if it has happened before or if the cheating takes place with someone the other partner considers a close friend. 

Even when proper apologies have been made and help has been sought from counselors, with some couples, particularly ones that uphold strong religious and moral values, the taint still remains. 

The party that was cheated on just can’t get it out of their mind. This makes them put in less effort to make the relationship work. On and on until one day, almost all the spark left in that relationship is gone. 

7. Pride

Aha! Though this is common in long-distance relationships and relationships where both parties don’t live in the same house, pride essentially damages even the best relationships if one overlooks it.

First, it eats into the “communication” real deep. For example, in long-distance relationships, one party may refuse to double-text or call because it feels like doing so means they have less value. This lingers for a while until days pass without any of them saying anything to each other. 

Then it builds up this bitter resentment that eventually blows away the spark. 

8. Less Intimacy

Sex and intimacy are both crucial areas of any romantic relationship. When it suffers, the relationship too might suffer. 

The reason this happens can even be traced to the physiological makeup of our bodies. When we have sex, a gland in our heads called the pituitary gland produces a hormone called oxytocin and lets this hormone into the bloodstream. 

Oxytocin has been tagged as the love hormone because it increases feelings of love and affection between partners. It may even be able to reduce thoughts associated with cheating. 

Read: 10 Simple Ways to Bring Back the Intimacy in Your Relationship

9. Stress

Stress eats deep into almost every area of our lives. Physically, stress can present in weight gain, associated with cortisol (a hormone) and its ability to make us crave food. 

Mentally, it can make us anxious, worn out, and disinterested in a lot of things—even our relationships. 

Partners will lose the spark when they are too stressed, both physically and mentally. The stress might make them enjoy each other’s company less and less until there is no love anymore. 

10. Third Party Involvement

Often, the spark in a relationship goes away when third parties become involved in that relationship. This happens because the couples cannot truly be themselves, as someone out there is trying to detect for them what their relationship should or should not be like. 


It is common for the spark in relationships to fade over time. This is usually quite confusing and sometimes just as annoying. As confusing as it may look, the reasons for losing the spark are often easy to point out. A breach in communication and intimacy takes most of the blame. 

By Ubee

Ubong Johnson (Ubee) is a relationship expert and writer. He writes articles that cover everything from relationships and nutrition to lifestyle. His works have appeared in several literary magazines, including The Shallow Tales Review, Ngiga Review, and the Kalahari Review. He is the founder and editor of Fiction Niche.

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