Nothing confuses a person who is trying it out for the first time than talking dirty. Most of the people who have reached out to me about wanting to talk dirty with their partners have expressed fear. What if it goes wrong? They ask. My answer is always the same: if you do it right, it is not going to go wrong.
I am guessing you have arrived at this article because you have similar questions about dirty talk with your spouse whilst in bed. Here is your perfect guide on how to talk dirty.
1. Understand That Dirty Talk is a Healthy Thing to Try
Of course not; nothing is wrong with you. You are not a freak for wanting to do something that has the power to spike the intensity of your sex by almost double.
I bet you know at least one person who talks dirty when in bed with their partner. And guess what? You respect them quite a lot. So, why do you think it is going to make you weird for wanting to talk dirty?
Keep an open mind. See it as something healthy. Something that can bring you and your partner closer.
2. See Movies Like Fifty Shades of Grey
There is no better way to be introduced to dirty talk than seeing movies or reading books that feature a lot of dirty talking.
I usually advise women to read erotica rather than watch movies that are sexual because women seem to be more driven by sensual texts than men.
Men are more visual, so they will give in easier to learning from movies.
We have an article you can read about movies that can put you in the mood for some dirty talking.
3. Ask Your Partner What They Think About it
You should not never just talk to your partner dirty in bed when you have not first sought to know what they think about it.
Some partners may be more open than others, but you never know how open your partner is going to be if you introduce them to dirty talk. It is better to try.
You can subtly ask if they have ever been spoken dirty to. Or if they love it when someone teases them. This is best done over a movie or something.
Let’s say you are seeing a movie with your partner, and there comes a scene where one person is talking dirty to the other. You can say: “Hey, babe, do you like the way the girl talks in bed?”
If his or her answer is yes, then you can move on to the next step: introducing them to dirty talking.
4. Introduce Your Partner to It
If your partner agrees to be open to the idea of talking dirty, then you have to introduce them to it.
You can do this by introducing them to books or movies where a lot of dirty talking is done.
You can also start by incorporating some dirty talking into your regular conversations.
When I first introduced my partner to dirty talking, I did so over compliments. She would put on a nice gown I liked, and when I saw it, I would lovingly spank her ass and say: “You look like such a bitch.”
This made her smile because she could tell I was using the B word in a rather complimentary way rather than in a derogatory way.
Try this out with your partner and see how they respond to it. If they respond in a way that suggests they are offended, give it time and try again.
But if they are more open, then it may be time to take it right into the bedroom.
5. Initiate Sex “Right.”
Dirty talk does not just happen. One has to set the tone of sex just right for it to happen. If you start off as too shabby, the sex is going to feel off. So, take your time.
Bring out your partner’s bad sides. No matter how good your partner seems, they have a bad and wild side in bed. I know this because I used to be the good guy at some point.
I have noticed that dirty talking works better with sex that is rather wild. When it comes to lovemaking, dirty talking may not be so ideal because it can drain the mood.
Wild sex can be initiated by taking wine or anything else (legal stuff) that can get you and your partner high. Or by even playing a sex game. Sex games can make partners feel more into what they are doing.
6. Begin by Asking Questions
When trying out dirty talking at first, you have to be very subtle about it.
That subtlety is everything! It brings your partner’s defenses down.
You can ask questions like:
- Do you like that?
- Do you think I am the best bitch in the world?
You should give your partner the space to answer. I can already tell your partner is going to answer with a nod of the head—or at least a feeble moan.
Another question that performs quite well is this: whose pussy or dick is this?
Most women find this question very arousing and dirty.
Benita, a medical student who has come to truly embrace her sexuality, says: “Asking whose pussy is this just makes me go wild. I really cannot explain it, but I go wild and often have to clench the beddings.”
7. Praise Them
Some paragraphs ago, I mentioned that it is possible to introduce dirty talking to your partner by praising them outside the bedroom.
Now is the time to practice that in bed.
It may surprise you to know that quite a number of women have what they describe to be a praise kink. It is commoner in women who love BDSM.
A praise kink, basically, is an extreme liking for being praised in bed by one’s partner.
Tracy says it makes her feel better about herself. She said the dirty words do not matter. What matters is that there is a caring look in her partner’s eyes when he praises her.
It is easy to dirty talk by praising. Just admit to liking what your partner is doing.
If, for example, she is giving you a blowjob and you really like it, you can say: “Yes, right there. You are such a good girl today. Good girl.”
Don’t just praise her with your lips. Hold her face or hold her in places around her body she loves whilst you dirty talk.
8. Challenge Them
Whilst many of the men we questioned thought it to be weird when women challenged them, most women loved it when their men challenged them in bed.
Men said it made them feel weird.
“It makes me feel weird. When she asks me to hit her harder or go faster, I begin to wonder whether I am doing it right.”
Ladies, ask your man what it feels like when you challenge him to go harder or faster in bed. If he agrees it makes him feel good, you can go ahead. If he says it makes it feel bad, maybe it is time to stop.
You challenge your lover in bed by demanding that they do a particular maneuver better. It is a psychological technique to get in their heads and make them desire to please you better.
You can say: “Is that all you have got? C’mon, I want you to do this better. This body is yours. Is that how you want to do me?”
I put my bet on the fact that they will try to make you feel better and have more intense sensations.
9. Don’t Say Anything About Their Insecurities
One of the biggest skills you should learn in bed is of paying attention. In all my advice to people who want to better their sex lives, I never miss out on paying attention.
In and out of bed, pay attention to your partner’s insecurities, and do not mention any of them when you are getting down with them.
For example, if your partner is a bit insecure about the size of their ass, it is best you stay away from the word: “Ass” altogether when you are down with them.
Instead, focus on areas of their bodies that they are able to feel most confident about.
Yes, this can be dirty talking as well. You don’t need to say full sentences sometimes; instead, go for words of affirmation. That tells your partner that they are doing just right.
- Right there
- Damn, I am feeling it
These go a long way to make your partner want to please you better.
It is important that you pay attention to your partner when you are talking dirty to them. How do they respond to you? Stir the sex in that direction.