Falling for the wrong guy every time? Sometimes, it is just ill luck. Other times, it is just a result of ignoring yourself and the red flags you saw. Whatever the case, you’ll learn in this article ten ways to stop falling for the wrong guy. Apply these, and you will no longer settle for the wrong kind of guys.
1. Heal from Trauma
It is evident that trauma has an impact on the way we view relationships. It can make us build dependency on things that are obviously bad for us. Hence, a cycle of falling for the wrong guys over and over.
If one grows up deprived of affection and love, he or she may go on to settle for relationships where they are unloved and appreciated.
Try as much as you can to heal from whatever trauma may be holding you back. That your past relationship was messy does not mean that relationships have to be that way.
Relationships are meant to be enjoyed. Believe this. Let this fact take root in you so much that you no longer get swayed by anything that bears the appearance of affection, even when it comes with a lot of trouble.
2. Fix Your Esteem Trouble
Esteem problem has a similar effect as trauma. People who suffer low self-esteem have a constant (or at least almost constant) inner voice lying to them.
This voice says they don’t look good. It says they sound horrible and that no ‘good’ guy is going to come along and love them—all lies.
When you believe lies about yourself like these ones, what happens is that you may be driven to settle for things that are not quite good for you.
You may think women fall for the wrong guys by mistake all the time. But it isn’t totally true. Sometimes, they fall for these guys even when they know these guys are bad for them.
Remind yourself that you deserve everything good.
3. Don’t Be Desperate
Desperation can make us lose in on good stuff because we just can’t wait for them to arrive.
If you are hoping to enter a relationship right now, one of the best pieces of advice you should take is: don’t be desperate.
I understand that social media trends put a lot of pressure on singles to go out there and get love and affection. You can almost never spend an hour on TikTok and Facebook and not want to fall in love.
Just take your time. Love is a good thing. It will come to you, and you don’t necessarily have to fight for it so desperately.
There is a big chance you will choose wrong when you rush.
4. Enjoy Your Company
This goes a long way to boost your self-esteem and helps quell any desperation you have to get a partner or fall in love.
Enjoying your company translates to self-love. When we respect ourselves, care for ourselves, and have a sense of self-worth, we won’t want to settle for just anything. And we will definitely be picky about the kind of people we allow in our personal space.
When we love our personal peace, we won’t want anyone messing with it.
Some ways to enjoy your company include:
- Accept yourself just the way you are.
- Living in the moment. You don’t have the past: you can’t change the future. Everything exists now, and you should enjoy it.
- Make the most of life and spend time enjoying your hobby.
5. Be in Places Where you Attract the Right People
The truth is, the wrong guys may not always latch on to us. Sometimes, something about us attracts them. It may be our neediness or the need always to experience love. Or it may just be that we are at the wrong places.
If you are a lover of art, for example, and would love to get a partner who loves art, you shouldn’t go searching for this partner at a science fair or a football field.
You should always put up behaviors that attract the right people to you, too. Be genuine and honest, so you can, in turn, attract genuine and very honest people.
Related: 10 Best Places to Meet Genuine Guys
6. Take Control of Your Emotions
When guys come around, there is the tendency that your emotions may loosen up for a bit. Don’t give in to this pull. Pay close attention to your responses. Don’t let your emotions drive you into accepting things you naturally wouldn’t.
A great way to keep your emotions in check is to establish boundaries. Don’t say too much too early, and don’t let empathy be used against you. I’ll talk about this in detail later.
Let your brain guide your mind. Not the other way around. You’ll be fine, and you won’t fall for the wrong guy.
7. Don’t Reveal Too Much Too Early
People bond over secrets shared.
The rule of thumb is: that when you start to see that you are comfortable with sharing facts and details with someone, then it is possible that you like them.
It works both ways. Whilst sharing is a sign that you like someone, it is also what makes you like the person in the first place.
So, before you start to tell him real deep things about yourself, be sure that he checks your boxes. Be sure that he will be able to deal with knowing you.
Don’t seek his validation, and don’t seek his love.
8. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
One of the reasons why people settle for the wrong guys is because they ignore red flags.
You should not ignore red flags from any guy. If he lies to you, don’t stick around waiting and hoping that he changes. People don’t change so often.
In fact, when you meet someone, don’t believe that they will change. If you can’t deal with them now, there is a high chance you won’t be able to deal with them later.
9. Listen to What your Friends Say
If you meet a guy, and for some reason (it can be evident or not), your friends do not like him, then you should take a step back and rethink things.
Friends serve as walls for us sometimes—we don’t only lean on them; we sometimes are kept in and protected by their opinions.
They say he is not good for you and go on to give reasons why Chances are; he really is not good for you.
10. Follow your gut! And good luck!
The World Book Encyclopedia says: “intuitions are based on experience, particularly the experience of individuals with great sensitivity.” So, when your gut tells you something, it is most likely based on your experience in these situations.
Because you’ve already built up “a storehouse of memories and impressions,” the Encyclopedia argues. And from which your gut is reminding you or telling you what to do. Follow your gut; it will stop you from falling for the wrong guy.
Greenberg M. Ph.D. How Traumas Create Negative Patterns in Relationships. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201908/how-traumas-create-negative-patterns-in-relationshipsshow less
Photo by Katerina Holmes on Pexels.