Simply, trying to move from being a friend with benefits to a relationship situation can be likened to a sweet-smelling rose that has thorns. However, the way you handle the rose determines if the thorns would prick you or not. Okay, let’s imagine your FWB is the thorns on the rose while you who is developing intense feelings already as the rose. The reason I want you to see your FWB as the thorn is because he/she could either reciprocate feelings towards you or not. Moreover, things could get out of hand, and you could get hurt.
This blogpost is not a magic wand that you can just toss into the air then begin expecting your bed buddy to be all over you as you envisaged. Nevertheless, there are specific ways you can improve your chances to move from being a friend with benefits to a relationship. Here is a step-by-step guide to help your fantasy become a reality.
1. Limit time together in the bedroom.
Yes, I get it that the relationship is not that serious yet. If you continue to be intimate with your FWB only when in the bedroom, that’s the way it’s ever going to be. Come on; you got to learn to take things out of the bedroom.
How about having some fancy lunch during the weekend or going to see a movie together? Doing stuff like this would make your partner begin to see you differently than just being a cuddle buddy.
2. Be forgiving.
You cannot move from being a friend with benefits to a relationship if you are unforgiving. No one is perfect, after all. At one point or the other, your partner would do things that would annoy you. If you make up your mind that you want to start keeping malice, you won’t be anywhere near getting the commitment you desire.
One fix for your partner’s mistake is to tell yourself that you won’t allow what has happened to come in between you two. Additionally, looking forward to the future ahead of you both should lighten you up.
3. Get the best dating advice.
After sourcing healthy relationship advice from coaches, it is left for you to practice them in your relationship. If your FWB is really as fabulous as you think, they are likely to mirror you, and before you know it, a relationship ensues without any kind of pressure.
4. Spice up your sex life.
Buh ….you already kicking it in the bedroom together (I know). Do not just assume your partner is satisfied with what you do under the sheets. Did any of you get an orgasm? Remember that if someone else is better than you in bed, it could blow off your chances of ever moving from being a friend with benefits to a relationship. Learn what turns you both on and improve yourself.
5. Meeting family and friends.
One good step you can take to check your progress level is to be sure you have met or have been introduced to his family and friends. At this point, your partner is really into you. No one will take this step if they are not thinking of anything serious yet. Plus, you might get luckier the moment FWB family and friends like you. They could even jokingly say you look good together.
6. Open yourself up.
At times, things may not be as we just assume. There is no harm in having open communication about your feelings with your FWB. Do not be like Jack, who wanted to switch from being a friend with benefits to a relationship with Melissa but failed due to not opening up about his true feelings. Unfortunately, they went separate ways after time had passed. He lived with the regret of not trying at all to express himself to her.
7. Be grateful.
Some people have a relationship, but they are unhappy. The main reason you want to switch things up is that your pal is making you really happy. Hence, any time your partner is around, you just do some appreciation. Gratitude hits us very well in such a way that we will want to do more for whoever appreciates our efforts. Ditch all those nagging right away… no jokes.
8. Be involved in your lives together.
Be there through the good, bad, and ugly times of your bed buddy. This automatically raises your value in their eyes. Especially, being with your friend when the world is against them can make the transition faster from being a friend with benefits to a relationship. Being a fairweather friend does not pay. You would be seen as an opportunist.
9. Be best friends
Be the first person your partner wants to break the good news to. The one he/she, can truly confide in and go to for good advice. A lot of people cannot frankly say their girlfriend is their best friend. This should be the best part of it. The time you spend together should be truly enjoyed. Make his/her day. Doing this will create memories of you in your buddy’s mind. Once you are on someone’s mind, the person is already in love, which is good news (feel like dancing?).
10. Use the word “we”.
Normally, when I am with anyone, and the person keeps talking using “I’. I switch the conversation off automatically. Why? The other person seems to be selfish, and I am not being carried along. Consciously, use “we” for the purpose of you wanting to move from being a friend with benefits into a relationship.
This verbal assumption could make you really know if your partner buys the idea of you being an item. Yep, he could frown when you say “we,” “us,” “our,” or “together.” The earlier you know, the better.
In conclusion, if a friend with benefit cannot stand up and give you the relationship you really want in your life, allow him or her to sit down, please!. Relationships are not by force. This would even allow you the opportunity to meet someone better.
It’s okay to be annoyed when things do not go the way you want but remember you signed up for this in the first instance. Your buddy is just resistant to change. Nevertheless, keep your fingers crossed. A little time and patience could make that transition happen.
Rachael Ukpebor is an Editorial Assistant for Whatsdalatest. She graduated with honours from the University of Benin with a degree in Sociology and Anthropology. She covers beauty, relationship and lifestyle topics at WDS, everything from best skincare and makeup hacks, to relationships. Her favourite music is Lovin’ You by Minnie Riperton.