Walking away from a relationship can be hard, especially if it has lasted a while. I know just what it feels like. And I am here to help you. These 10 things to do to walk away unscathed from a relationship will help you not just let go but heal faster when you let go.
1. Stop Listening to People
The first thing you’ve got to do when you are trying to let go of a relationship that has not been good to you is to stop listening to people.
Seriously, people always have opinions about what should and should not be. If you listen to them, you may convince yourself to keep up with something that is not beneficial to you in any way. But you don’t want to do that if you want to walk away unscathed.
You want to be better. You want to be more, happier, the person who becomes stronger. That’s what you want to be. So, stop listening. Only do what will turn you into a better, more efficient person.
2. Get a Safe Person
Your safe person is the one you turn to when the struggle to let go resurfaces. Believe it or not, when you are trying to leave any relationship, whether platonic or romantic, there will be an inner struggle.
Sometimes, this inner struggle is easy to defeat. Other times, there is a need for some external influence to act on your inner critic such that it hushes and brings your need to you.
Our intuition is a powerful force. I like to call it the gut feeling. But too much internal struggle can make us doubt what we truly want.
Talk to someone. Tell them why you want this, and task them with the role of being there for you and showing up when you have any struggles.
Related: How to Breakup with Someone Politely
3. Remind Yourself Why You Want This
There is no better way of giving yourself the needed peace than to remind yourself why you want this. And the reason is simple: you just want it.
Many people like to create a list of why they want to end their relationship. This is fine. But it doesn’t work that much because your inner critic can take hold of the things you have written down and twist them so that you feel bad about wanting to leave.
If you, for example, write: “I want to leave because he physically abused me.”
Your mind can counter your reason by saying: “But people change. And maybe you would know this if you weren’t such a selfish person.”
Do people change? Yes. Do you want to wait until he changes? No.
So, just admit that you want what you want, and that is it.
“I want what I want, and I don’t have to owe anyone an explanation for wanting it.”
4. Don’t Try to Shield Yourself From Pain; Understand that Sometimes You Don’t Need Closure
Too many people prolong their time in an abusive relationship by seeking closure. This is, in itself, not a bad thing. But it can sure get you to the point where you do not even want to leave anymore.
The longer you stay in a relationship after the thought of breaking up presses your mind, the longer it will be for you to leave.
Stop seeking closure. Stop trying to protect yourself from hurt. Your hurt will come when you predict and anticipate it.
Have a mindset that lets you accept anything.
From experience, I can tell that people who have the mindset of “anything that wants to happen can happen” will break up easier and let go unscathed.
Even if they are going to be hurt, the hurt will not last half as long as people who hold on. (Read: How to Get Over a Breakup Fast)
5. Spend Some Time Thinking About How More Pleasant Your Life is Going to Be
Rather than spend time thinking about all the things that might change if you decide to stay a while longer, think about all the good that will happen when you leave.
For example, if you want to leave your relationship because it is very financially draining to you, you can think about all the savings you will have up when you finally take the bold step and leave.
Think about all the new accessories you will be able to buy because you no longer have to deal with spending so much.
If you are with a partner who constantly puts you down, think about how much better you will feel when they are gone, when you wake up, and don’t find anyone nagging at you.
Think about how much your self-esteem will get when the partner who makes a habit of constantly putting you down is no longer there to do so.
Think of how better you will get.
See it! Their presence is causing far more problems than their absence would. (Read: 8 Ways to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship For Good)
6. Worry About you; Not Them
Many times when partners want to leave each other, it isn’t because they do not have love left. In fact, most partners in abusive relationships still love their partners up to the week or day the breakup happens.
This means if you still love your partner, you will surely be worried about them.
You will think about breaking up and sigh in frustration, almost thinking you are a monster for wanting to let go.
“How will they feel?”
“They don’t deserve this.”
It might be true that they don’t deserve this (I doubt it is), but how about you? Do you deserve a relationship that has proven to be a constant source of unhappiness for you?
I do not think you do.
I urge you to be a little more self-centered. Just this once, seek your own good. Do not take into much consideration what they will say or do.
I can already predict they will try to gaslight you. Don’t give in. Seriously, don’t give in. Do what you must to walk away from the relationship unscathed.
7. Begin the Process of Detachment
When you have finally decided that it is time to let go of the relationship, you should begin the process of detaching.
Do not rush this process. Let it take its due course. Depending on the relationship, it might take a while, or it might not.
Detaching starts with first accepting why this can’t go on. You are not happy.
And then, it progresses to understanding why you must not take their feelings so seriously when they (or if they) try to gaslight you. Begin to withdraw if you want to walk away from all of it unscathed.
8. Start Keeping Secrets
People bond because they share their secrets and let each other know so much. When communication stops, there is a very big chance that the relationship will meet its end.
To walk away from the relationship unscathed, do not tell them too much about yourself anymore. So they don’t use the information to hurt you more. This is not to say you should keep malice and not talk to them about the things they should know. Like where you have been and how you are faring.
It means they should not know the details. Talk to them as you would talk to another friend.
Take a break from social media sometimes, so you don’t feel tempted to spend the night texting.
It is best if you do not even text at all so that the feelings die away on their own.
Slowly withdraw how often you talk. Do not only withhold information. Talk to them a lot less. When the frequency of the conversations reduce, they will surely get what is coming and may confront you.
Don’t say anything. Say, “Nothing. Say that nothing is wrong.”
The reason you are doing this is so that the breakup does not hurt you so much. Remember, you are trying to let go unscathed. To be unscathed, you have to take all the feelings, or most of them, away before the breakup happens. (Read: Reasons People Get Back With an Ex-Partner)
9. Stop Following or Stalking Them
One of the things that happen when we start to detach from people we once loved is that our minds try to bring all those feelings back.
It does this by pushing us to stalk them.
We miss the feelings somehow, and so we try to replicate them by looking at pictures, listening to old voice notes, and listening to texts. Don’t do all of that.
Let the feelings go. Let them go for real. You don’t need them.
What you need to do, is put your feelings on stuff that makes your life better.
- Put them in your art.
- Focus on your hobbies.
- Go out there and make new friends.
Allow yourself to reach into the world and truly touch it in all its goodness.
Let go. To let go of one branch means you have to swing to another branch. Swing to the branch of happiness.
10. Tell Them You Want to Let Go
Now, tell them you want to leave, and if they ask why, you should tell them just why. You may want to give closure.
Tell them it isn’t about them but about your own pleasure and happiness.
“I know you are not an awful person. But we weren’t just working, and I don’t want you to feel that you are awful. You are not just right for me.”
Summary: When you are trying to let a relationship go, you should put yourself first, just for a while.