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Real Love vs Infatuation (And Attraction)

by | Meeting People, Moving On

Last updated May 7, 2022 | Published on Oct 20, 2019

Unlike genuine love that grows stronger with time, infatuation reaches a state of extreme excitement within a short time and then fades. 

We all want someone we can love and cherish for the rest of our lives and someone who can do the same for us. Knowing if it is real love or infatuation can sometimes be difficult. 

Infatuation moves very fast, unlike real love. Infatuation makes you want to get things done quickly. It can make you sleep with someone almost immediately when you find them. 

To better understand whether it’s real love or infatuation, you need to know the difference between attraction, infatuation, and real love. 

Attraction, Real Love and Infatuation


This is always what you see from the surface. Such as how a person looks or acts. Attraction evokes interest and desire in someone. 

What’s wrong with attraction is that what you see is not always what you get. Attraction may draw you to a person, but your interest may die faster than you think after getting to know the person better.


Infatuation is usually what you see and how you feel about someone. This is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. 

It also involves having romantic feelings towards someone, which can quickly change before you know it. 

The problem with infatuation is that it always seems like love at first. But the truth is, it’s not real love; instead, it’s the way you feel at the moment, and it can quickly fade away just as easily as it comes. 

Signs He’s Infatuated, Not In Love

  • He showers you with compliments and sexual comments
  • He exhibits compulsive and addictive behaviors
  • He only talks about his own feelings and desires—not so concerned about yours
  • He moves in on you fast and furious.
  • He promises the moon. 

Real Love

Real love is what you know about someone, and it grows with time. This happens when you and someone are kind to each other, have the same goals, perspective, and look out for each other’s interests. 

When it’s love, both of you treat each other with respect you both deserve and trust each other.

Real love is different from attraction and infatuation because attraction is what you see, while infatuation is how you feel. 

Real love depends on what you know. Below are two things to look out for to know if it is real love or infatuation.

Ways to Know If It Is Infatuation 

Possessive and Manipulative

You need to watch out if the person is manipulative and possessive. In other words, if the person is trying to exercise control or influence over you. 

Manipulative people are very possessive by nature, and they just want to own you. They want to know your every move. 

This possessive behavior also shows that manipulative people are insecure. Thus they try to control the people around them. Below are some signs to know if they are possessive or manipulative.

  • Make you think everything’s your fault.
  • Keep score
  • Criticize you all the time
  • They don’t want you to see the people you love.
  • They gaslight you (Manipulate you by psychological means into doubting your own sanity)
  • Intimidate you
  • Always moody.

Handling Conflict

The person always wants to have his or her way, insisting on getting the upper hand every time an argument or situation comes up. 

They sometimes become abusive or angry, especially when things don’t go their way. In addition, someone infatuated with you exhibits extreme behavior or threats and a preoccupation with blaming others.

Qualities to look out for in “Real Love”

1. Goal-oriented

A good relationship always includes commitment. Both parties involved make it their goal to help one another and always be there for each other.

Consider your partner as someone you would want to be with in the future. Aim to grow together as partners who are strong and supporting each other.

2. Trustworthy

A trustworthy person will show they care for you. A partner who tells you they know best and don’t know how you feel isn’t someone you can trust.

Here are signs to know if someone is trustworthy

  • They are consistent
  • They show compassion and humility
  • Tell you the truth, even if it hurts.
  • They show gratitude and appreciation
  • They respect boundaries
  • They compromise and don’t expect something for anything
  • They’re relaxed (and so are you)
  • They are respectful when it comes to time

3. Morally Upright

A person who loves you for real and is not infatuated by you is morally upright. This implies strict adherence to moral principles such as virtues as truthfulness, openness, or fairness. 

Also, a morally upright person is honest, just, conscientious, ethical, and honorable.


4. Nice Personality

Someone who has a nice personality has real love. They can love others without expecting something in return. 

It means you love without romantic or sexual harmonics. Furthermore, a person with genuine love doesn’t hold grudges for too long. He is quick to forget your minor mistakes.

5. Good Conduct

Having good conduct means respect. When a person loves you for real, he always maintains respect for you. 

Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship. An infatuated person hardly exhibits that for long.

6. Good Reputation

Real love is always considerate of others. If you are considerate, trustworthy, and kind, you have a good reputation. However, infatuation is the exact opposite of that. They don’t have a good reputation.

7. Emotional Stability

Another way to know if someone has real love or infatuation is emotional stability. Emotional stability refers to a person’s ability to remain stable and balanced. An infatuated person is usually not stable and balanced.

8. Reasonable

A truly loving person is reasonable. They see things from your own point of view. Instead of making early conclusions, they listen to you carefully before acting. 


On the other hand, an infatuated person quickly concludes. They don’t love you from the bottom of their heart.

Bottom Line

Love at first sight simply means lusts at first sight. Love is the lasting sensation of deep affection and care for someone. In contrast, infatuation is the temporary insanity that sometimes leads to love.

See also: How To Make Online Dating Work.

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By Martin Corden

Martin Corden is a certified relationship expert and a songwriter from Australia. He loves researching and writing. Martin loves finding new ways to improve and inspires others to be their best version and work together towards it. Martin has a wide range of intellectual and artistic interests.

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