How to Know if it is Real Love or Infatuation

by | Meeting People, Moving On

Oct 20, 2019

Unlike genuine love that grows stronger with time, infatuation reaches a state of extreme excitement within a short time and then fades. Hillman and Phillips describe it as a desire to express the libidinal attraction of addictive love.

Knowing if it is real love or infatuation can sometimes be difficult. We all want someone who we can love and cherish for the rest of our lives and someone who can do the same to us. When you find someone, the person of your dreams, it feels magical; you’re hypnotized by the intoxicating chemical reaction that draws you to him.

He tells you how beautiful and sexy you are, and he can’t wait to see you again. He describes in detail where he wants to take you to and talks about future dreams together. Also, his romantic tone sweeps you off your feet, that you feel you want to be with him forever, from that very moment. 

Then you get home, as if he was monitoring your GPS location, you receive multiple texts from him almost immediately, indicating a passionate desire to see you again. You end up spending seconds, minutes, hours, days, and even weeks in succession with him. Of course, It is almost as if time has stopped, and as though life revolves around you. Although life continues around you, you can’t see anything outside of you being intertwined with this man.

But sometimes, it can be real, and then again, it can also be infatuation. Besides, infatuation moves very fast, unlike real love. Infatuation makes you want to get things done quickly. Infatuation can make you sleep with someone almost immediately when you find them. What comes up next in your mind is wanting to know if it’s real love or just infatuation. To better understand what’s actually going on is to know the difference between attraction, infatuation, and real love. 

Difference Between Attraction, Real Love And Infatuation



This is always what you see from the surface. Such as how a person looks or acts. Attraction evokes interest and desire in someone. What’s wrong with attraction is that what you see is not always what you get. Attraction may draw you to a person, but your interest may die faster than you think after getting to know the person better.


This is an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. Infatuation is usually what you see and how you feel about someone. Furthermore, it also involves having romantic feelings towards someone, which can change very fast before you know it. The problem with infatuation is that it always seems like love at first. But the truth is, it’s not real love; rather, it’s the way you feel at the moment, and it can quickly fade away just as easily as it comes. 

Signs He’s Infatuated, Not In Love

  • He showers you with compliments and sexual comments
  • He exhibits compulsive and addictive behaviors
  • He only talks about his own feelings and desires—not so concerned about yours
  • He moves in on you fast and furious.
  • He promises the moon. 

Real Love

Real love is what you know about someone, and it grows with time. Furthermore, this happens when you and someone are kind to each other, have the same goals, perspective, and when both of you look out for each other’s interests. When it’s love, both of you treat each other with the respect that you both deserved, trust each other, and always look out for one another. 

Real love is also very much different from attraction and infatuation because attraction is what you see, while infatuation is how you feel. Meanwhile, real love depends on what you know. Below are two things to look out for to know real love or infatuation.

Ways to Know If It Is Real Love or Infatuation


Possessive And Manipulative

You need to watch out if the person is manipulative and possessive. In other words, if the person is trying to exercise control or influence over you. Including wanting to know your every move. Manipulative people are very possessive by nature, and they just want to own you. They want to know everything about you. 

Furthermore, this possessive behavior also comes from the fact that manipulative people are insecure, and thus they try to control the people around them. Below are some signs to know if they are possessive or manipulative.

  • Make you think everything’s your fault.
  • Keep score
  • Criticize you all the time
  • They don’t want you to see the people you love. …
  • They gaslight you (Manipulate you by psychological means into doubting your own sanity)
  • Intimidate you
  • Always moody.

Handling Conflict

The person always wants to have his or her way, insisting on getting the upper hand every time an argument or situation comes up, and sometimes become abusive or angry, especially when things don’t go his or her way. In addition, someone infatuated with you exhibits extreme behavior or threats and a preoccupation with blaming others.

Now, let’s say you have found someone, how do you know if you have made the right choice? It is advisable to look into their invisible qualities and behind the surface. Below are some qualities to look out for when finding the right person.

Qualities to look out for in” Real Love.”

1. Goal-oriented

A good relationship always includes commitment. Both parties involved make it their goal to know each other well— “weaknesses and strengths.” Consider your partner as someone you would want to be with in the future. Aim to grow together as partners who are strong and supporting each other.

2. Trustworthy

A trustworthy person can demonstrate consideration and care for others. This also means that they trust you to know what’s best for yourself. A partner who tells you they know best, or that you don’t know how you really feel, isn’t showing that they trust you.

Signs to know if someone is trustworthy

  • They are consistent
  • They show compassion and humility
  • Tell you the truth, even if it hurts.
  • They show gratitude and appreciation
  • They respect boundaries
  • They compromise and don’t expect something for anything
  • They’re relaxed (and so are you)
  • They are respectful when it comes to time

3. Morally Upright

A person who loves you for real and is not infatuated by you is morally upright. This implies strict adherence to moral principles such as virtues as truthfulness, openness, or fairness. Also, a morally upright person is honest, just, conscientious, scrupulous, and honorable.

4. Nice Personality

Someone who has a nice personality has real love. They can love others without expecting something in return. It means you love without romantic or sexual harmonics. Furthermore, a person with genuine love doesn’t hold grudges for too long. He is quick to forget your minor mistakes.

5. Good Conduct

Having good conduct means respect. When a person loves you for real, he always maintains respect for you. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship. An infatuated person hardly exhibits that for long.

6. Good Reputation

If you are considerate, trustworthy, and kind, you have a good reputation. Real love is always considerate of others; however, infatuation is the exact opposite of that. They don’t have a good reputation.

7. Emotional Stability

Emotional stability refers to a person’s ability to remain stable and balanced. Another way to know if someone has real love or infatuation is if they are stable and balanced. An infatuated person is usually not stable and balanced.

8. Reasonable

A truly loving person is reasonable; they try to see things from your own point of view. Instead of making early conclusions, they listen to you carefully before they act. On the other hand, an infatuated person is too quick to draw conclusions because he doesn’t love you from the bottom of his heart.  

Bottom Line

Love at first sight simply means lusts at first sight. Love is the lasting sensation of deep affection and care for someone. In contrast, infatuation is the temporary insanity that sometimes leads to love. What we have discussed so far on love and infatuation will help you make the right decision.


See also: How To Make Online Dating Work


10 Great Ideas and Tips On Your First Date


Easy Ways To Avoid Infidelity In Your Relationship


5 Dating Rules To Consider Before You Meet Someone You Met Online



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