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How to Get Rid of Jealous Feelings in a Relationship

by | Love

Last updated Dec 13, 2021 | Published on Jul 6, 2021

Jealous feelings can be a sign that you’re deeply in love with your partner. On the other hand, all too often jealousy is most times wrongly motivated or is misdirected. When you’re jealous, you may start suspecting your partner without cause or even resent the attention they receive, feeling that you alone are entitled to it.

Whatever its cause, too much jealousy has adverse effects. It can rob a person of sleep, cause distress, be responsible for stomach and even mental disorders. So it will be best to get rid of jealous feelings.

You’ve met a great person and you still don’t believe they are yours. You feel possessive of them and feel threatened when someone is getting too close to them, or you just don’t want them to share their attention at all. The thought of losing this person is beginning to scare you.

You begin to look for justification in their private space by going through their mobile phones, or diaries. Have you ever gotten to a stage where you’ve begun to track their movements with an app?   

For many people in a relationship, jealousy differs greatly. Some feel it mildly, and it is heightened in others. Regardless of the range, we have all felt it at one point or the other.   

However, you have bordered on a very unhealthy course If: 

  • Your jealous feeling is heightened and similar to the things motioned above. 
  • You are beginning to make your partner unhappy with your insecurities. 
  • You are unable to identify yourself with the feeling and blame them solely on your partner.  
  • Your every thought is centered on who they might be talking to or who they might be meeting with in a not-so-pleasant way. 
  • When you find yourself controlling their movements and plans. 
  • You get angry when you don’t get enough attention. 

It is totally understandable if you have experienced some less-than-ideal incidences in your past. But as of this point, it is important to know that your spouse is not the same person/s that created this feeling in you. Do not let your past dictate your future. Insecurity and jealousy break apart healthy relationships. 

Asking you to stop being jealous is often easy to say but not easy to learn. Jealousy is a deeply ingrained emotion that makes us feel out of control. But with determination, you can tame your jealousy and create a meaningful union.   

Get Rid of Jealous Feelings in Relationship With These Simple Steps 

1. Ask yourself why you’re feeling jealous 

Shoving down your feeling of jealousy might seem like the right thing to do but instead of closing it off totally or believing that you have shut it off completely, you should attempt to understand why you feel what you feel.

What problems are you trying to address with your feeling? What insecurity are you trying to replace with jealousy? By attempting to understand all these, you will be able to get to the bottom of how to stop your jealous emotions and this will be a step to addressing and finding lasting relief to it.  

To truly understand how to deal with jealous feelings in a relationship, you should understand that the problem is not caused by your partner but by you. You should work on your attitudes and how you respond to some things that trigger your feelings. By doing this, you will be able to turn them into a more positive feeling. 

Yes, your partner might have triggered some sense of jealousy in you; They may be spending more time with an opposite-gender colleague, spending more time on the phone (chatting or calling), making more effort to look good even when they have to run petty errands. They might even be visiting the gym more often.

Simple things like these can result in negative feelings of jealousy. But, deep down, your jealousy is a result of insecurity made obvious by your partner’s actions and behavioral changes. 

All in all, understand that you are mainly projecting your insecurity onto your partner, and your insecurity is what you need to pay attention to. 

2. Understand how jealousy can ruin your relationship

Your relationship will suffer if you let jealousy run free. It impairs your ability to love unconditionally. And you will find it hard to be vulnerable with your partner. This will be a barrier to a passionate and loving relationship. If you can’t unlearn jealousy, you will never truly connect with your partner on a deeper level.  

Jealousy also creates tension for both parties. Being constantly suspicious of your partner will make them keep things from you.  

They will never feel like they earned your trust enough to confide in you, so they will always feel like they have to watch out for fear of triggering your baseless suspicions. They will always feel like they’re doing something wrong even when they are doing nothing at all.  

If they love you enough to stay, they will always look over their shoulders in case you are there watching and waiting again. You yourself will not have peace of mind to enjoy the relationship.  You will always look forward to your partner doing something wrong so that you can justify your suspicions.

This is not a great feeling; in fact, it is totally unhealthy as it creates tension and leaves no room for happiness. Your partner may end up feeling stifled in the relationship. This might leave a lasting scar on your partner and their future relationships. 

Monitoring your life becomes difficult because you are busy monitoring someone else’s life. This sort of tension is bound to affect the physical, emotional, and mental health of you and your partner.  

This sort of stress can lead to hypertension and all types of heart problems. Even leading to a shortened life span. So it is best to break free from jealousy.

3. Because you feel it doesn’t make it real

You have taken the saying ‘follow your instincts’ so far, that you say to yourself “She/he must really be cheating on me if I feel this way” 

The most advisable thing for you to do is to understand that your feelings do not reflect the truth and that your partner deserves the benefit of the doubt. 

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the mind is a very funny place. It can easily jump to conclusions that are not true if given free rein. It will conjure all sorts of imagination and make you miserable all the time. This is where you have to bring rationality into this.  

Imagine one of your siblings in the same condition where they have to be mistrusted and watched or better still, flip this scenario over to yourself. See if you can take another person’s insecurities and jealousy.

Now, that you have taken a minute or two to reflect on it, gently tell yourself that you and your partner still have a long way to go with each other and trust is what it takes to make this happen.  

4. Don’t give in to your feelings

It is easy to get carried away with your emotions. It is also understandable that you might want to demand answers to help you figure out your feelings and to know if you were right suspecting them.

You cannot control your jealous feelings all the time, but you can watch out for your actions. Do not become aggressive or violent toward your partner. do not interrogate or accuse them baselessly.  Do not start giving attitudes either.  

Instead, seek counsel. Talk to older and upstanding people around you. Communicate your feelings to your partner, and figure out together how to make adjustments that will accommodate each other.  

Doing all these does not guarantee that it will work out on the first try. It won’t be easy; you will regress into negative patterns from time to time. This does not mean you are not making progress. See it as an exercise program.

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Keep working on making it easier with the tips mentioned, you will see that it will get easier to make your actions serve your best purposes only.   

5. Improve your self-esteem 

Jealousy is usually but not always a sign of low self-esteem. Having good self-esteem should not be limited to your relationships alone. It should also be applied to every situation you find yourself in and every aspect of your life. This is why you should always and cautiously work on your self-esteem for as long as you are alive. 

One way to do this is through therapy. 

Improving your self-esteem can be done alone or with a good therapist. But, considering the severity of your jealousy, seeing a therapist might be the right course of action.   

If seeing a therapist seems drastic, then outline a plan on how you should improve on yourself – this could be monthly, weekly, or daily. Choose a flexible plan that you can stick to. Also, read books on the subject, make motivation your daily companion, listen to inspirational music and podcasts.   

Conclusion

Provided your partner did not give you reasons (cheating, lying, etc.) to suspect them, it is really advisable to tame your jealous impulse. Understand that jealousy is a disastrous emotion and your state of mind can do without the constant emotional hassle brought on by jealousy.  

Practice self-love, work on your physical, emotional, and mental health. When you nurture these, your overall well-being becomes a priority.   

Learning how to not be jealous in a relationship is usually a question of healing or moving on from the wounds of the past. If you are battling with jealousy because of issues like childhood trauma or suffering from addiction due to your insecurities, get the help you need to overcome the feeling. With the right assistance, you can change your struggles into strength. 

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

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By Grace Obisesan

Obisesan Grace is a freelance writer. She has worked as a reporter for a magazine firm called Ijebu Flavors and as a content creator with Jetheight Services. Obisesan is obsessed with creativity, and she likes to spend her free time learning how to improve her skills. She enjoys watching Sci-Fi and action movies, reading numerous fictional works, writing poetry, and listening to continental music.

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