As unfortunate as it may seem, not all relationships are meant to last forever. Breakups are, thus, inevitable in this world. They happen and are quite painful. To many people, breakups bring a feeling of intense sadness, loneliness, and distress. [1.] These feelings are unhealthy and should not stay within us for too long. We, therefore, have to find ways to get over a breakup before it leaves permanent scars on us. In this article, I will be exploring how to get over a breakup fast.
1. Give Yourself the Go-ahead to Move On
You may have loved your partner so much that you begin to feel like moving on after a breakup is betraying what you two shared. Or you may just be in denial, unbelieving that the relationship has come to an end. Denial is one of the stages of grief [2.] and is not uncommon when people go through breakups.
Whatever the case, you have to come to the reality of things. You have to acknowledge, no matter how difficult it seems, that your relationship has ended and that you have a right to move on. Take away every toxic shame and every feeling of disloyalty when you think about moving on.
Give yourself the go-ahead to move past these intense breakup feelings.
2. You are Human and Have a Right to Feel
Some years ago, a friend spoke to me about the effect of a breakup on her. She said, “I feel like I shouldn’t even feel this way. Why should I even feel this way?” My response was: “You are human, that’s why.”
As you move past this breakup, understand that you are human, and one thing about being human is to have feelings. You don’t become stronger by suppressing your feelings—in fact; you become even more stressed and irritable. [3.] Physical stress can result from bottling in your feelings for too long because what builds up is usually a toxic and harmful resentment.
Allow yourself to cry. People cry when they are hurt. You are hurt now, and you have a right to cry. You also have a right to feel deep anger—whatever feelings need to go out have to be let out, as long as they don’t cause harm to you or the people around you.
Expressing feelings is sure going to help you move on.
Related: How to Breakup with Someone Politely
3. Stop The Blame Games
When a relationship ends, one of the many things that happen is that one party starts to blame the other for everything that happened. Whilst this may be a coping mechanism, it is quite unhealthy. It is an unhealthy practice to blame people for the way we feel.
True, someone may be the cause of our pain and anger. But that someone isn’t our responsibility. We are our own responsibility and should focus on our own healing instead of finding ways to tell the other person how trash they are.
Stop blaming your ex, and stop blaming yourself for the breakup that happened.
It may have been your fault that the relationship ended. But what is done is done, and now it is time to move on. The toxic guilt is only going to hold you back.
One of the ways to offer yourself some relief is to understand that no one knows all. Tell yourself that you could have done better if you had known. But you didn’t know better, and it is fine. You’ll learn from this.
4. Stop Stalking Your Ex
Emotional wounds are a lot like physical ones in that they take some time to heal. Also, they require that you take the irritant way for the healing to take place. If you keep irritating a physical wound that is healing, you’ll end up opening it once more, and now the healing process will have to start over and over.
If you want to get over your breakup fast, you should stop irritating your wounds. You should let them be. One of the ways you can irritate your wounds is stalking your ex or going back to look at all the memories you both had shared.
Too many people stalk their exes. An estimated 88 percent of people stalk their exes on Facebook. Don’t be one of these.
Stop stalking your ex. Let them go, and let them move on with their own lives. Keep reminding yourself that you can’t go back in time and change things. What you both had is gone.
5. Move on For You, Not to Impress nor Oppress
The worst thing that can happen to anyone is losing sight of why they have to move on after a breakup.
Here is why you need to move on after that breakup: because you have to process your feelings and get your life back together. Not because you want your ex to see how well you are doing without them.
Let me ask this: if you are trying to move on just so your can ‘see’ that you are doing just fine on your own, isn’t that just giving someone else power over you?
The truth is, we give power to people when we try to impress them because we might have a bad reaction when they fail to be impressed.
Move on from that breakup for you. Do it for yourself.
6. Have a Confidant
During trying times, such as a breakup, it is usually helpful to be surrounded by confidants with which we can share our feelings and difficulties.
It doesn’t make you weak to demand some help as you process this. On the contrary, it makes you strong.
Choose someone you deeply trust and let that person know what is going on with you. It can be your best friend or your family.
Tell them when it gets hard, and listen to what they have to say.
7. Be Around Good Company
Your confidant has their part to play, and so do your friends. After a breakup, you may feel so overwhelmed you barely want to be around anyone. This is called isolation and is a common response to intense sadness.
But, hey, don’t give in to that feeling. Tell yourself that you are not a jerk. You sure have the right to go out there and be in the company of your friends.
Be able to laugh at jokes. Be able to make some yourself.
Replace your ex’s company with a company of friends you love and admire.
8. Don’t Beat Yourself Up When You Falter
Only a person who hasn’t gone through a breakup before will say that breakups are easy. No, they are not. Breakups are terrible, and moving on can be likened to a child learning to walk.
They’ll be times when you will falter badly. For example, you may feel such intense loneliness one day and decide to call your ex and say you kiss them. If this has happened, you should know you aren’t the only one to have done this.
When my ex broke up with me, there was this obsessive impulse to call her. One day, I gave in to it and put the call through. The moment she picked up, I began to pour out feelings, telling her how different it had been, how much I missed her.
As you can tell, I ended up feeling much worse, blaming myself for hours on end.
Don’t be me. Don’t blame yourself when you sleep. Acknowledge that you are going through loss and have a right to feel, to make mistakes.
9. Go Back to Your Hobbies
Your hobbies are stuff you do that bring you a sense of satisfaction. Now isn’t the time to allow yourself too much room for idleness; you sure don’t want to spend all your days on the phone, swiping and swiping, eventually meeting triggers as you swipe. No, you want to spend your time doing stuff you really love.
If you used to write, you could get back to writing. Channel these feelings into creating literary art. If you used to love painting, then go back to making art pieces. Do anything you love, which develops you at the same time.
Also, don’t let your financial state suffer. Pay attention to your work. Get better at it. Become much more focused on doing what makes you more independent.
When you are trying to get over a breakup, it is helpful that you develop some routines. Exercising is such a healthy routine. It keeps your body fit and offers you some mental strength.
Pay attention to working out. Make out a particular time of the day and work out at that time.
Also, pay attention to your looks. Be sure that you look good. Put on clothes you love, because when you have what you are putting on, you will feel more confident about yourself and your body.
Photo by Alena Darmel on Pexels.
- American Psychological Association: Breakups aren’t all bad: Coping strategies to promote positive outcomes
- University of Washington: The Stages of Grief: Accepting the Unacceptable
- HCF: ARE THERE DOWNSIDES TO ALWAYS TRYING TO BE POSITIVE?