Marriage is a sacred bond that many people enter with absolute certainty. However, it is not always as stable as we might expect, as it is still highly prone to many problems. Divorce is one of those problems faced by married people nowadays. It is awful to deal with divorce when faced with it. This is because of its drastic and unexpected nature.
Divorce brings with it a lot of questions and conflicts, both intrinsic and otherwise. There is really nothing like a fresh divorce to make you doubt if your marriage was even genuine at all.
The ensuing doubt that comes with divorce is but one of its many consequences because separation feels a lot like losing a part of yourself. Marriage is not something you can get back once you both decide to carry out the divorce. But some things could make you feel less guilty, or uncertain, or whatever you may go through after that unfortunate divorce.
No loyal partner deserves a divorce, but it happens to even the best of us. Anyone could hear those four dreadful words—’I want a divorce’—in their marriage for one reason or the other. So, how can you properly deal with it without breaking down? Below is a step-by-step guide on how to deal with the reality of divorce.
1. Anger Is a Natural Reaction
Anger is a natural reaction to getting a divorce, and so is sadness, especially if your partner leaves you instead of the other way around.
You should not stop yourself from being in your emotions, even the negative ones. This is because the process of divorce comprises a lot of heartbreak and similar feelings. You may not feel it now, but you will go through so much mental and emotional turmoil.
This is just the way your mind processes separation from someone that used to be so close to you. It is very facilitative of the healing process, and that is why you should not stop yourself from getting emotional.
If you feel like crying, then cry. If you feel the occasional urge to curse out to your ex-partner, then do it. You might not know at that moment, but the release that comes with expressing yourself is what will help you go through most of your divorce and to be able to deal with it.
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2. Pointing Fingers Will Get You Nowhere
When you are down, you go through many emotions. Divorce is not very different from the stages of grief in this manner.
Around the bargaining phase, you will search deeply for answers that may or may not be there. You might feel like your partner did not have a good reason for leaving, and it could blossom into blaming or general hatred for them.
But love is not perfect; neither is it a nail and hammer situation. Some things are broader than they seem or just unexplainable.
Do not blame your partner for the divorce unless they were abusive or unfaithful. And even then, you should not let yourself get so distracted by hatred for them so much that you forget to appreciate yourself and how far you have come.
If you were the reason for the divorce, you should not blame yourself; just try your best to take it as it is and move on.
3. Make All the Arrangements with Your Ex
This is where the business of marriage comes in. Now you may ask yourself how love can be business-oriented. If matters of the heart were more planned out, there would be way less trouble.
Let us say you get divorced, and you have now arrived at the dilemma of who gets what. You each have to own a share of the property because, after all, you become one at some point. Now, let us get into the specifics.
Making post-divorce arrangements is 1000 times easier with a prenup. It is the mutual agreement made before marriage to prepare for the unfortunate event of a breakup such as this.
Both partners ought to make prenuptial arrangements ahead of time when both partners are still in love and hence agreeable to each other. That way, you do not have to be attending court sessions when you should mourn lost love. Sounds quite civil, does it not?
If you were both so confident that you made no prenuptial arrangements, do not worry. As long as you have a clear vision of what you want, you can not go wrong.
A post-divorce agreement includes several things like; sharing of possessions, child support/ custody, and mutual privileges. For either of you to not get cheated, you both have to sit down privately to discuss all these; before ever stepping foot in court. Hash out the specifics together and think of it as one last merry goodbye to your old married life.
4. There Is No We In A Divorce
Let us say you, and someone just broke up. It was because of logical reasons, was it not? Now swap out, ‘break up’ for ‘divorce,’ and you have an even bigger reason.
It is not normal for you to leave someone or vice versa for petty reasons. So there is no point in getting back with them, no matter what kind of gravity is drawing you back. When you feel doubtful about it, remind yourself why you two are no longer together.
Also, try to respect their boundaries and expect them to reciprocate. Divorce means no more asking who they are seeing or informing them of the goings-on in your life. You should examine the new situation and create filters to shelve anything that does not directly concern you both.
5. Isolation Is Normal
During getting a divorce, you may not have come to terms with it yet because of shock. That is why after the divorce has happened and your life partner has left, you will feel overwhelmingly alone.
Your isolation can sometimes be so encompassing that it becomes all you can think about. You should not give in to such feelings or let them affect your life. To deal with a divorce, Isolation is normal.
Take some time to go out and enjoy yourself with friends. Revel in the single life for a while and try not to fight it. Give yourself breathing room, and do not rush into any new relationships for fear of loneliness.
Above all, know that all that you are feeling is quite temporary.
6. The Kids Will Be Fine Because You Ensure That They Are
Having children together with your divorced partner can be quite hard, but let us say you do. A lot of stuff is going to change for the young ones.
They might have to move for school and juggle many things in between, including the constant back-and-forth visits to either parent. The separation of both their parents would be painful, especially if you or your ex-partner have moved on with someone else.
It would be best if you never underestimate the needs of your child in the whole situation. Take your time to educate them on their new reality and assure them it will be alright. They need it more than you may know.
7. Here Is To New Beginnings!
Divorce is not something that any couple will tell you they wish to have. Two consenting adults that come together to make promises of eternity would obviously not say that lightly. But sometimes people can not help to get divorced.
It is okay not to want to be with someone anymore. Just as it is okay if your partner does not want to be with you either, these things do not take away from who you are.
Divorce in a marriage can be a very traumatic experience, most especially when you had previously invested so much love. So, take your time with that patient climb back to self-appreciation.
It may feel as though you have lost everything now, but just give it some time, and it would surprise you with the healing properties of time and faith in your own self. Divorce can be very stressful and the step-to-step guide outline here can help you to deal with it.