Figuring out a demisexual can be confusing, but there’s no rush to label someone a demisexual. Demisexuals are confusing, and to a lot of people, they may be annoying as well. We are here to help you figure out demisexual signs. This post helps you identify a demisexual while helping you to connect with them.
Here are 11 demisexual signs and how you can connect with one.
1. They Seem Irritated by Touch
Demisexuals will often be irritated by touch if they do not know you well enough. This is because demisexuals are only interested in getting sexual with people with whom they have a connection.
This, as I mentioned in the previous article “What is Demisexuality and How Does it Differ From Other Forms of Sexuality,” is called secondary attraction.
2. They Seem Asexual to You
Since demisexuality exists in the gap between being asexual and just sexual, there might be periods when people who are demisexual tilt more towards their asexual sides.
In times like this, you may be tempted to ask. But don’t do it. Instead, continue to observe.
Along the line, if they are truly demisexual, you will notice their demisexual side show up.
You should note that a demisexual person is not an asexual person. One who is demisexual can crave and love sex, unlike asexual people who have little or no interest in sex at all.
3. There is a Stone Wall Against Flirting
Demisexual people hate nothing more than being hit on by people they barely know. It is sure going to annoy them.
I have had some experience flirting with a demisexual person before. They told me to stop.
“Hey, I don’t like what you are doing; I am not that way.”
This may come off as mean, but I do not think they mean to be mean to you. They are just being who they are—themselves.
This is not to say that anyone who puts up a stone wall when you try to flirt with them is demisexual. Sometimes, especially with women who do not find you attractive yet, a stone wall against flirting is put up.
If you are being kept away by a stone wall, then it is time to back away. They may not like you so much.
4. They Seem Like a Love Bird or Hopeless Romantic
Demisexual people often come off as true love birds. If you pay close enough attention, you will be able to notice it.
Typically, you can assume they are demisexual if:
- They insist on knowing you more: a strong demisexual sign is the following question, “Can I get to know you?” If someone who is demisexual asks you this, it may be a green flag—it may be them saying that they may already be drawn to you somehow.
- They Keep Talking About Love: I have not met a demisexual who did not think love was a big deal. Leyro, a demisexual woman in Canada, had this to tell me when I asked: “I think love is a big deal. I have never been sexual with someone who I did not love somehow.”
- They want to hang out so much: this may be a demisexual sign because hanging out brings people closer. And someone who insists on hanging out with you before you both get down together is probably demisexual.
Although naturally, sexual people may do any of the stuff listed above, those questions and actions are most common amongst demisexual individuals.
5. They Change Their Mind Midway During a Make Out
Let us imagine that you are making out, and then boom, before the romance even progresses, you are hit with: “I don’t think we should be doing this….”
What goes through your mind?
It shouldn’t be anger (I know, of course, that it can be annoying). It should be: “This person might be demisexual).
When looking at demisexual signs, you should know that they are a bit too careful about making out. They will not do it with just anyone. And they are likely to change their mind before the sex happens.
6. People Think They are Prudish
This is one telltale sign that someone may be demisexual. Since demisexuality is not very well understood, people often really misunderstand demisexual people and pour out this misunderstanding by calling them prudish.
But demisexual people are not prudish at all. They are just the way they are.
7. They Feel Weird About Sexual Compliments
Some people feel good about sexual compliments—definitely not demisexual people. If anything, these compliments can annoy a demisexual person.
“Your butt looks good in that dress.” It is a no, no. They may even avoid you.
8. They Report Avoiding Someone who Was too Sexual Towards Them
If you are close friends with a demisexual person, one of the common demisexual signs you will almost spot is that they avoid people who bring too much sexual energy around them.
They do this because they are really not that interested. It is more irritating to them than it is fun.
Sometimes, demisexual people are scared of sexual energy.
9. They Have a Phobia For Crowds
Most demisexual people are not very drawn to physical touch. When touched by someone they do not know so well, even when the touch may not be so sexual, demisexual people may feel very uneasy. These feelings may give you signs that they are demisexual.
This is why many demisexual people do not like crowds. The thought of just being there, around so many people who could even have their bodies on theirs, is a big turn-off.
Demisexuals will rather stay home and deal with having to be bored than go out there and be touched.
10. They Don’t Accept Hugs at First
You are friends now, and they are more open to hugging you, I can assume. But can you remember how they had been the first couple of days or weeks after meeting you? If they do not agree to be hugged, then there is a huge chance that they are demisexual.
You can confirm they are demisexual if they ask you questions about how easily you bond with people via physical touch.
A demisexual friend often asks me how I manage to hug a lot of people.
11. They are Lovers of Romantic Books
What demisexual people do not find in real life, they seek out in novels. I have not met a demisexual who did not love some form of art that explored the depths of love.
They often read love novels for hours on end. If not novels, they would spend hours watching love movies on streaming apps or maybe even listening to love songs.
Since they are so in control of their emotions, demisexual people may also be what I call sexually sufficient. This means that even when they may be really horny, they have developed ways to deal with their urges on their own.
How to Connect with a Demisexual
Connecting with a demisexual is confusing. We are here to help. These 6 tips will make it easy to connect with just about any demisexual.
1. Don’t Call Them Weird
Seriously, don’t. You are only ruining your chances of being with them. Calling them weird is not going to do what you hope it would. I can assure you it will do the direct opposite.
It will make them raise up mental walls and completely shut you out.
2. Don’t Flirt
Also, please don’t flirt with a demisexual first, especially if you both have just met. In my experience, demisexual people will be the ones to initiate the flirting if they are feeling you that much.
When deeply connected to a person, most demisexuals do not mind making the first move. Let them make the first move, or risk blowing things up.
3. Don’t Talk About Your Sexcapades
I never get why people do this. To be honest, it does not work. Do not expect a demisexual person to hop on you or completely open up when all you do is talk about the number of times you have had sex.
4. Listen to Them
Do you have any idea how listening can deepen bonds? Listening is such a great way to have someone feel drawn to you. It makes them feel like they are in a safe haven, especially when you do not judge them for anything.
If you show a demisexual person that they can trust you with everything, they will connect with you.
It starts with the little things, like talking about the weather, and then it progresses to talking about more personal things, like relationships.
5. Hang Out a Lot
Hanging out works for demisexual people as well. We often feel strong bonds with the people we spend a lot of time with. If you spend time with a demisexual person, they will feel grown to you, and you will be able to connect to them.
6. Make Them Feel Safe
When a demisexual person begins to open up to you, you have one task, and that is to make them feel safe. The safer a demisexual person feels, the more open they will be to being with you.
If you pay just enough attention, you will be able to see the signs and tell when a person is demisexual.