One of the most asked questions these days is whether or not age difference matters in relationships. The answer to that, it seems, is not so easy. There are a lot of factors. Some groups of people say yes, and others say no. We will be looking at both angles, from the perspective of people who we interviewed, in this post, as we attempt to answer whether or not age difference matters in relationships.
Yes, It Does
People who agree that age difference in relationships matters gave these 10 reasons.
1. There is Usually an Intelligence Gap
This was the most common reason provided by men. They agreed that dating someone way younger is more tedious because there is an intelligence gap. Or rather, a comprehension gap.
Lam said: “Sometimes, it is so bad that they cannot even get your sense of humor.”
I don’t quite agree with him, but I have seen experiences like this, so it might be true that an intelligence gap makes age difference matter in relationships.
2. There Might Be a Moral Gap
For some reason, people who are older consider themselves more moral than ones who are way younger.
For example, someone said that she dislikes Gen G guys because these guys are ‘shallow’ and ‘do not mind engaging in risky sexual behaviors like casual sex.’
This makes the relationship quite hard to deal with.
3. There Might Be a Commitment Gap
I have seen that the older a person grows, the more committed they want to be. This is not to say younger people cannot be committed. Rather, I am saying that commitment does not come so easily when a person is young.
When one dates a younger person, they may seem a bit on edge, constantly worrying about whether or not they are going to be cheated on.
4. There is a Notion That Younger People are Toxic
For some reason, older people feel as though younger ones are toxic; this might not be true, but I get why they are inclined to feel that way.
Toxicity these days is quite subjective.
One can consider just posting videos on the media as subjective. Another can say that spending too much time on social media is toxic. The list goes on and on. But the fact remains that age does matter to people who do not share most beliefs and character with younger people.
5. Many Moral Standards Do not Allow It
In a number of conservative societies, especially black and Asian communities around the world, the age difference is not very embraced.
Of course, this is mostly seen when the woman is much older than the man.
Jess told us: “I do not think I want to date a younger man anymore. Society makes it quite hard. You literally have to walk on eggshells in the streets. It is not a nice experience.”
Many other women we interviewed had similar views about dating someone younger.
6. Men May Not Feel Respected Enough
In most societies, it is traditional for the man to date a younger woman because it is believed that younger women are much more agreeable, feminine, and loving.
In fact, within the manosphere, an online community of men who believe they are the true face of masculinity, men are encouraged to date women much younger than them.
Once, I saw a post that read: (I am paraphrasing): “Date younger women only. Older women will not give you as much respect as you need. And even if they do, you will not feel respected at all.”
This is one of the reasons why men say they cannot date a woman who is older than them.
7. It Might Not Feel Genuine
This is most true if the age gap is much and if one party is far richer than the other.
For example, if a guy who is 24 dates a woman who is 46, she may sometimes doubt the genuineness of their relationship. Of course, there would be those moments when she questions whether or not he is into her for her money.
Her friends will also be there to put thoughts in her head.
8. The Younger Party May Fail to Be Themselves
Sometimes, when the age gap is just too much, the younger party feels as though they have to walk on eggshells so the elder party does not feel disrespected.
This is common in relationships where the woman is younger.
This walking on eggshells stifles the true beauty of relationships, which is intimacy.
You really cannot be intimate with someone whom you are very afraid of. It is almost impossible. For you to be intimate with someone, you have to be close to them, at least close enough to be yourself without fear.
9. They Might be a Financial Gap
Whether or not we accept it, relationships cost money. That is to say; you need money to truly enjoy your relationships. Dates cost money. Vacations cost money. A mortgage is expensive. The list goes on and on.
With relationships where the age gap is much, one party often earns more than the other, putting the richer party in a position where they have to foot all the bills and get things working.
This sort of relationship often feels one-sided. And over time, things start to get really tiring and difficult.
10. The Sexual Experience Gap May be Hard to Deal with
Sexual compatibility is a thing. When people are sexually compatible, the relationship glides smoothly. When they are not, there is usually some friction.
With age difference usually comes sexual incompatibility. The sexually experienced one may even feel like he is being sex-starved—he or she may not enjoy or really enjoy the sex and so is inclined to cheat.
I am not saying that younger people have no sexual experience. I am only saying that, compared to much older people, their sexual experience is usually not enough.
No, It Does Not
There are people who believe age difference does not matter in relationships (I am one). When we interviewed a few of these such people, here are some of the reasons they gave us:
1. Love is Love
This is true. I agree one hundred percent. Love is love, and should not be caged in a box where they cannot express their affection.
I believe that when two people love themselves, irrespective of their ages, there can be in a relationship and experience all the sweetness of companionship.
They can go on dates together and do everything couples are expected to do without feeling weird about it.
2. There is a Variety of Experiences
A number of people love variety in their love lives.
Gral told us: “I love dating someone younger because there is more to experience together. Young people love hard, and they love with all their hearts. Being with one can teach you to love hard as well.”
This is it!
Relationships are supposed to be a learning ground for both parties, a level plan where both of them learn to be better versions of themselves. Relationships where there is an age difference, may provide this.
3. These Relationships May Feel More Intimate
I have come to see that relationships where there is an age difference, may feel more intimate, irrespective of the sex of the younger person.
This is because people in such relationships are usually open to learning more.
Elena told us: “I feel quite close to my partner. We learn a lot together. Sometimes, we even laugh about the age difference. This happens when he is playing video games. He turns around and says: “You don’t know anything about computers.”, and we laugh.”
Tell us about it in the comments if you have had this kind of experience before.
4. Conflict Resolution Might be Easier
When people are of the same age, they may fight it a bit harder to resolve conflicts. But when there is an age disparity, it might be easier to settle conflicts because one partner will often assume the role of the mature person and let the conflicts slide.
The younger person may also learn to resolve conflicts and learn to be the bigger person as well.
5. Sex May Be More Fun
When two people have contrasting sexual experiences, it is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, especially when both parties are fine with learning about their own bodies and embracing their sexuality, it might be a good thing.
The more sexually experienced person may take on the role of teaching the other person, and as a result, both of them bond perfectly.
6. It Just Feels Amazing
Sometimes, there is really no reason for it. Dating someone younger just feels amazing. This may even be a person’s natural orientation. I have heard someone say he is drawn to older women naturally.
There are a number of reasons why people agree with or oppose relationships where there is an age gap, but I believe love is love.