Before anyone starts any venture it is important to count the cost. In the case of construction of a building, land has to be acquired. Afterwards, a plan for the building is drawn up before the foundation of the building is placed. This example shows how vital planning ahead is.
Therefore if you’re thinking of going into marriage, you need to consider the joys and blessings, as well as the challenges and cost of being married. Doing so will help you to have a realistic view of what to expect. But first how do you know if you’re ready for marriage. Below are practical steps to consider before marriage.
5 Practical Steps To Consider Before Marriage
1. Make Sure You Are Ready To Commit
Considering these questions will help you to discern if you are ready to commit.
Why do I want to get married?
Am I ready for the commitment of marriage?
What does it take to maintain a marriage?
Your answers to these questions will help you to see if you are convinced enough to take that bold step. Choosing a marriage mate and planning for the wedding ceremony can be really challenging, maintaining a marriage is even more difficult, thus you need to consider how you can maintain your marriage year by year.
What can help is commitment, “COMPLETE COMMITMENT”. This kind of commitment sometimes scares some people, but it is ok if you really love the person you are about to marry. Assurance from your partner will also help you not to see commitment as a burden but a source of security.
The kind of commitment required in marriage helps the couple to want to stay together in difficult and good times. It requires maturity. If your response is positive, then you are ready to commit yourself to getting married.
2. Know Yourself First
It is necessary for you to understand your emotions and your feelings when considering marriage. Know your qualities and how you can use it to contribute to the success of the marriage. Moreover, knowing your qualities well will help you know what qualities you need in a mate.
Marriage does not change people’s personalities. If you are the kind of person who gets angry easily, then you need a mate that is more patient and less prone to anger. It’s easier if your partner has qualities that are complementary, however you can only know that if you know your strengths and weaknesses.
Basic qualities that all partners should have and develop for a successful marriage are Love, respect, kindness, empathy, kindness and self control. If you know you have some issues that will hinder the success of your marriage its best you start working on it. Improve yourself and practice qualities that are healthy for your relationship. This is a very vital step to consider before marriage.
4. Picking Your Mate
Dating customs differ from one culture to another. Therefore, it is important to put this in consideration when you have marriage in mind. However, it is cruel to toil with a person’s feeling by giving false hope or showing false interest. In this regard, one has to be convinced he or she is ready for marriage before choosing a mate.
Furthermore, everyone has their flaws and challenges. Trying to get a perfect partner will be a failed search. Fine qualities one should look out for should include reliability, friendship, trust, respect, being compatible and emotional maturity. Unity is a key bond that helps marriage thrive, therefore you and your mate should be attuned to each other.
One way to do this is by having similar goals. Knowing your goals in respect to career, having children and other things you consider as most important in your lives. Having shared values strengthens the foundation of your relationship. Simple things such as agreement on the number of children you want or plans to raise your children helps create a conducive environment for your relationship to thrive.
It is difficult to stay with someone you don’t enjoy his or her company. Therefore, couples should be good friends, being able to enjoy their time together and each other’s company. However, this does not mean both of you must like all the activities of the other person, but being able to adapt together. That is what compatibility is. Adapting with each other instead of trying to be identical.
A piano and guitar can make fine music on their own, but when in a band they have to work together or else they can’t produce fine sound. They tune to the tone of the other instrument like wise partners who are contemplating marriage should tune their personal traits to fit each other.
4. Find Out In Advance
Many societies have had some level of influence from other cultures and backgrounds, so it is not surprising to see that Marriage doesn’t mean the same thing to everybody. Therefore it’s important to talk about what both your expectations of marriage are. Furthermore, you have to know what you want and what your partner also expects to get from it. Below, I point out some important subjects you should discuss and know beforehand.
Important subjects you should consider before marriage
The importance of health can not be over emphasized. Before going into marriage it is important to reveal to your partner about your health status, especially if you have a certain health condition or an allergy so the person can be prepared for what to expect. In a situation of a serious health condition, a partner becomes a primary caregiver and it is only fair for them to know in time for this responsibility. Below are some tests that are vital to take or consider before marriage.
Important tests to consider before marriage
- Test for HIV
- Fertility Test:
- Mental Health Assessment
Children can be a source of joy to couples, still not everyone wants to have children. Couples have to discuss this. If they want children and how many they plan to have. What steps will they take incase they find it difficult to get pregnant, adoption or IVF?
Having a plan set out makes it easier to make a decision if such a challenge arises. How many children are allowed to live in the home if one or both partners have had kids before. Possible scenarios should be considered and discussed as it relates to the situation of the couples.
Although your opinions may change with time or with the reality of the situation if it occurs. Discussing these issues earlier on can make sure you’re entering the challenge as a team.
Some couples choose full disclosure about their entire financial situations. A partner might feel betrayed to find out about a huge debt only after the wedding. Some other couples choose to disclose only what is necessary. What is really important is for couples to talk and reach an agreement between themselves which is applicable and comfortable to them. Habits, commitments and responsibilities about money is also vital to discuss so your partner knows what to expect beforehand.
Non-negotiables/ deal breaker
Everyone has a breaking point and for many this is non negotiable. Like every legal contract there are situations where the contracts can be broken. In marriages, these deal breakers are different for each couple. Thus it is necessary to let your partner know the boundaries that are acceptable to you and the extent you are willing to go. Having a similar deal breaker signals a much stronger chance of survival for your marriage, it also provides a guide which will protect the future of the marriage.
5. Look Beyond The Wedding Ceremony
Do not get carried away, look beyond the wedding ceremony. Many couples have been pressured by society or family relations to carry out elaborate celebrations beyond what they can afford. This can rob you of the joy of the occasion leaving you financially and emotionally drained. Remember your marriage can last for a lifetime, your celebrations should be realistic to your situation considering your culture and customs.
Nanna Daniels is a legal practitioner and writer. His practice as a lawyer and a writer is as diverse as his client base. His client ranges from government bodies to banks, private companies in real estate, energy companies, telecommunications to small businesses, families, and individuals.
He is a passionate and diligent analyst of family, sports and business concepts, providing in-depth knowledge and analysis. He has covered topics ranging from family, parenting to entrepreneurship.