Understanding Your Love Language
You’re both in love with each other, right? Then why does it seem like you both are two different worlds apart? Well it’s simple, you both are yet to understand yourselves. I have come to realize that there is more to keeping a relationship afloat than just going on great dates, and enjoying each other’s company.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman in his book about love languages, he said each person speaks a love language that must be learnt in order to make that person feel loved. The secret to having a blissful long lasting relationship is in knowing your love language.
These Six love languages describe how a person feels loved and appreciated. Each individual possesses one primary love language and understanding the different ways of showing love will help in eliminating the tension in most relationships, especially when it comes to understanding your partner’s expectations and needs.
I’ll therefore be talking about five important love languages in this post.
5 Important Love Languages You Should Know
1. Words of Affirmation
Have you ever been told how beautiful a dress looks on you? Or how proud they are of your achievements? Makes you feel good… huh? Of course it does. Everyone likes it when they’re told something nice about what they do, wear or how they behave. However, some resonate with this on a much higher level. Words such as
“You look beautiful or handsome”
“You’re doing a great job”
“The way you smile is amazing”
Words such as these or a simple “I love you” can go a long way for someone who speaks this love language. However, keep in mind that positive comments can deepen the bond in your relationship with your partner, so can a negative comment or an insult hurt your partner and make everything start crumbling down faster than you can ever imagine. This is one of the most important love languages everyone should strive to emulate.
2. Act of Service
You must have heard of the popular saying “Action speaks louder than words” well if this is the case when it comes to your partner feeling loved, nothing deeply speaks to him or her than a simple act of service.
Growing up my mum did most of the work, from house chores to family finances. However most times she would get into an argument with everyone at home, saying things like “I do all the work in this house and no one can even think of cleaning the house or washing the dishes, the only thing everyone does is eat, sleep and do their own thing”.
At first I wondered why she was so angry. Later when I became older I realized that was her love language and we were slowly making her feel unloved in her own home.
Therefore doing something as simple as taking out the trash or washing the dishes can go a long way for a partner who speaks this love language and sees this as an expression of love.
3. Receiving Gifts
Whether or not this is what you sense as an expression of love, receiving of gifts has been seen by humans as a sign of care or love. Although people are yet to understand that for most people this is their primary love language. Having a partner whose primary love language is giving gifts you’ll have to go the extra mile in making them feel loved both on random days and special occasions by giving them gifts.
The gift most time doesn’t have to be extravagant, a simple surprise of flowers to their workplace, picking up their favorite ice cream for them, or a card saying how much you love them written on it can mean the world to them, in fact most times it’s the thought that counts. A person with this primary love language, little things mean a lot to them.
Mind you these set of people who speak this love language do not necessarily mean you giving materialistic gifts, like I said earlier it just means a thoughtful or meaningful gift would mean the world to your partner and make them feel appreciated.
4. Quality Time
A partner whose primary love language is quality time would mean making them your center of attention therefore, giving him or her undivided attention. Most people feel they can multitask and watch television while spending time with their partner, which isn’t bad, but you’re not fully speaking the person’s love language of quality time.
Moreover, to be able to show that love he or she needs to feel, that means no phones, no television, no form of distraction whatsoever. All they expect from you is to make it all about them at that point in time, so you need to only see them, them and them alone.
If your partner speaks this love language , you should note that every moment they get to feel like they are not spending enough time with you, or you are not giving them your 100% attention their love tank is gradually becoming empty and this can become a problem.
Although when you give your partner your undivided attention the next time they’re around, your partners love tank will be overflowing.
5. Physical Touch
Physical touch is another important love language because it has an emotional power on anyone. Is a non verbal love language unlike that of words of affirmation. Most people tend to think that by desiring physical touch is about satisfying sensual needs but it’s not the case. It’s usually more about feeling seen and safe than it is about sex. It could be as little as holding hands, hugging each other, laying your head on your partner’s body, to more intimate things such as kissing or having intercourse etc.
If your partner’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing communicates love more clearly to him or her than being there to touch them. Their idea of being loved is being able to feel you close physically.
Give them all the gifts in the world, tell them all the sweetest things or even do things for them they would still feel unloved without physical contact.
On a Final Note
Now that you know the love languages you should have an idea which love language you and your partner speaks.
Each of these five love languages is important in its own way and expresses love differently. Knowing you and your partner’s love language will help in creating a strong bond in your relationship and allow for a blissful long lasting relationship.