Are you wondering about your teenage child and how to motivate him or her? Read on.
When parents wonder, “How can I motivate my teenage child?” they usually mean the same questions on your mind. How can I get my child to do what I need? Or bring him or her to have some parity in life? Or how should I get him or her off the PC, get outside and do pretty much anything aside from lounging around sitting idle?”
Does it appear that you are unable to inspire your teenage child? Try not to fret; you are not alone. For most parents of teens, the thought of, “Whatever,” and “I couldn’t care less,” can turn out to be very familiar.
Why You Should Motivate Your Teenage Child
When we say a teen isn’t motivated—he/she is probably not doing what we need him or her to do. To motivate your teenage child, you have to realize what is essential to them. Teenagers should be self-sufficient to a degree to be well motivated. Comprehend what’s essential to your teenager and his/her objectives, dreams, and desires.
Being a teenager is a significant phase of life. However, teens can be easily distracted, and parents, teachers, and older family members once in a while find that motivating teenagers to succeed can be a strenuous task. By tuning in to your teen’s needs and building short- and long-term goals around them, you can help your teen remain motivated enough to succeed.
It’s far-fetched that you have a child that is 100 percent lethargic and unmotivated. What they do lack is the inspiration to work on things that don’t make a difference to them. Motivation pushes us to do things that will assist us to survive and flourish.
A hungry man will be very motivated to work hard and do strenuous labor even when he is exhausted because that is what will procure him the cash to purchase the food he needs. But if there is sufficient food – he may not feel motivated to accomplish the work even though he’s capable. This analogy applies to your teenage child too; that is why you need to understand how and when to motivate them.
The three things that teenagers need during puberty are
32 Effective Ways To Motivate Your Teenage Child
1. Communication Is Key: To successfully understand your teen, you have to communicate with them. Practice undivided attention. When your teen talks, listen to what they need to say without judgment and without offering guidance. When it’s your chance to talk, repeat what they said in your own words to show you are listening and attempting to comprehend.
To begin, don’t be responsive when your teen issues an objection. Before correcting or offering them your knowledge, react by requesting that they clarify their emotions so you can comprehend. For instance, say your teenager gets back home feeling terrible and says, “My basketball coach hates me.” Instead of promptly correcting them by saying something like, “I’m certain your coach does not hate you,” urge them to elaborate. Then, utter something like, “Why do you feel that way?” Instead.
Compassion is essential to building a relationship with your teenager. You need them to feel like they can converse with you about any issue. Often, an absence of motivation is rooted in issues with confidence or anxiety. A teenager who feels he/she can speak with his/her parents and other family members is bound to share the sort of issues they are facing. If you realize your teenager is stressed or feels terrible about his (or her) self, you can easily intervene.
2. Motivate Your Teenage Child To Learn Instead Of Performing: It is quite simple to motivate your teenage child to learn rather than perform or get scores. How much they can learn – relies upon the exertion and hard work they put in.
As for performance, it relies upon how others are doing. When others do not excel entirely as well as your child does, then their performances stick out.
Since your child can’t control how others perform, he/she may lose the motivation to study if you continue worrying about their performance and coming first or getting high marks.
3. Forcing Your Teenager Can Backfire: While you may think that forcing your teen to succeed in guaranteeing a positive future, this strategy usually does the opposite.
Pushing your teenager to succeed, and placing a great deal of spotlight on their chosen fields implies that you are the primary motivator for your teen. Doing this, your teenager may neglect to figure out how to develop self-motivation, judgment, and independent reasoning. These are abilities your teen will require sometime down the road for their progress.
Likewise, high pressure can prompt unnecessary stress on them. Numerous teens fail to meet expectations or underachieve because of high demand or tension over means to progress and satisfy you. If the dread of disappointment is high, teens may believe it’s simpler just not to try at all.
4. Develop Your Teen’s Zeal: If you think your teenager is underachieving, odds are they mainly need motivation in fields that you want. For instance, if you come from a long line of doctors and your teenager is pulling a C-average in chemistry, you may see them as unmotivated. Instead, take a look at their other grades. Is it true that they are doing great in art, English, history? It’s possible that chemistry isn’t that imperative to them.
Rather than showing your teen that you are disappointed about the places they lack motivations, converse with them about the territories where they appear to be less inspired. Ask your child why they like reading; they may reply that they love books and would love to study English. You can help motivate them in the other places they need help by letting them know getting into a decent school requires a high overall GPA, so, whether they’re not keen on math, it may profit them eventually.
5. Look For Signs Of Depression: The absence of motivation is a typical reason for despondency. With all the hormonal and chemical changes going on in your teenager’s body, it is conceivable to disregard indications of a more significant issue often. All teens act up once in a while; however, depression lasts longer and can be very extreme.
Depressed teens are probably going to encounter peevishness and anger, unexplained aches, pains, and sensitivity to criticism, amongst other signs. If you notice these or any related issues, converse with your teen about seeing a therapist (or possibly your physician):
- Sentiments of sadness or misery
- Sentiments of uselessness or feeling like a “disappointment”.
- Frequent sorrow or crying
- Mood swings
- Withdrawal from friends and activities
- Absence of excitement, motivation, or willpower
- Changes in sleep and dietary patterns
- Weakness, fatigue, or lack of vitality
- Attention problems
- Self-harm and Thoughts of Suicide
6. Pay Attention To Their Anxiety: Uneasiness and anxiety are other guilty parties of lack of motivation in the teenage years. Teens are probably going to give a few indications of uneasiness because of the numerous pressure they’re under.
However, watch out for indications of severe anxiety like poor educational performances and withdrawal from social mingling. These can be indications of accumulated anxiety disorder. If your teen shows these signs or any of the accompanying ones, see a psychiatrist or mental health physician:
- Not able to stop worrying
- Inability to relax or sleep
- Symptoms like shaking, perspiring, headaches, or nausea
- Weariness or tiredness
- Dazedness or light-headedness
- Shortness of breath
- Trouble concentrating, thinking
- Lack of decision making
7. See A Therapist When Appropriate: Keep in mind that while it’s imperative to let your teenager make mistakes, you may need to step in sooner or later. If your teen is consecutively unable to keep up in school, there might be a fundamental mental issue impacting everything. Note when you started seeing the symptoms and how long they have been going on.
Likewise, you can chat with your doctor or pediatrician to help you decide if you have a cause for concern. Schedule an appointment with a therapist to check whether he has Attention Deficit Disorder or a learning disability
8. Allow Small Failures: When parents continually step up and salvage their teens from making mistakes, they sabotage their teenager’s capacity to grow up. No parent wants to see their children come up short, but through disappointments and failures, we develop and figure out how to improve.
What gives a task significance is an outcome or what is at stake if not completed. When parents keep teens from encountering the results of failure, they spoil the assignment’s essence or its significance.
If your teen decides not to read for an exam and flop, they are bound to be motivated next time. Parents can amplify these opportunities by asking them questions rather than giving lectures. Talk with your teen about how they feel about their result, what they may do differently next time, and inquire whether there is anything they need from you to help them.
Our children get familiar with failure that they don’t feel terrible when in a bad place. They learn a ton when they commit errors and figure out ways to improve. Try not to rush and step in to fix things when each time your child fails.
Shielding a teenager from disappointments by continually compelling him to get his work done or to study means they’ll always need your motivation in the long haul. This is not bad, but let them learn self-reliance too. While it is essential to encourage good reading aptitudes in your teenager, you need to step down a little and let them settle on their own choices. When he starts to see the results of his activities, he’ll figure out how to propel himself.
9. Let Them Make Their Own Goals: Your teenager won’t find out much about motivation if you are continually holding the reins. While you advise your teen to use sound judgment, permit them to set their own goals autonomous of your needs.
Your teenager needs to feel like they’re moving toward a known result. The best thing you can do to motivate your teenager is to help them make sense of what they want for themselves. See where you can settle on common views before you urge them to consider things you want for them.
10. Ask Your Teens Questions: If your teen gets a terrible score on a test, don’t criticize them. Instead, ask them questions like;
“Why do you think this happened?” “Did you have sufficient time to study?” “Did you comprehend the questions, or did you get apprehensive during the test?”
Often, to motivate your teenage child when they do below bar in school can be tough when they don’t understand why they’re doing ineffectively.
Comprehend what is imperative to your teenager. If your teenager says, “I hate chemistry,” for instance, you don’t have to reply to them by saying, “no, you don’t”. Everybody has subjects that come more naturally to them, and it’s alright to need enthusiasm for others.
Teenagers will use the word ‘hate’ for things they find uncomfortable. Pose questions about what your teen ‘hates’ about the particular subjects. This will help you decide if something like mentoring or even additional help with schoolwork could be helpful.
11. Help Them Remember: It isn’t always the situation that teenagers don’t do things because they are not motivated; they often neglect to finish tasks because they forget. With all the stuff going on in their life, it is simple for teenagers to get occupied and forget things.
They need help to recollect what they planned to do and to get done. Helping your teens to be well organized and remember things is a part of what parents need to do. Work with your teen to create techniques for recollection, and you shouldn’t be totally included. They may often overlook certain commitments and might require some additional help to remain on target.
Visual guides, similar to diagrams and calendars, can be helpful. Building up specific schedules, such as taking a break during particular hours of the day from schoolwork, can likewise help your teen remain focused.
Consistent verbal reminders can be a bother to them. Many teens have insubordinate streaks, so they may despise being reminded what to do. It’s smarter to utilize visual pieces of information, build charts, and educate by showing them rather than telling.
12. Avoid Bribes And Punishments: Keep in mind that the most significant approach to motivate teens is to help them build up a feeling of moral duty. Setting external remunerations or punishments implies consequences comes from an external source and not from an inner sense of accomplishment.
Using cash, food, or extra freedom in return for their performance is an impractical notion. Try not to tell your teen that if he keeps his grades up, he will be able to go to summer camp with his friends. This is a transient objective that hinders his capacity to see the advantages of academic achievement because you have to keep bribing them to study.
Likewise, don’t use fear as a motivational instrument. Now and again, parents attempt to scare their teens by showing them that certain practices will land them in a problematic situation and ruin their future. While teens ought to comprehend that actions have outcomes, scare strategies just increase their tension. This can influence your teen’s capacity to live up to their latent capacity. Urge your teen to decide their own decisions. Clarify, objectively, what the results of specific practices may be at the end.
13. Understand The Role Of Stress: Being overwhelmed with responsibilities is a severe issue for present-day teenagers. Periodically, a teen will oppose to starting or finishing an assignment because of excess stress.
Permit your teenager to choose what duties are genuinely imperative to them. If they’ve worked too hard on other tasks after school exercises, for instance, there’s nothing wrong with permitting them to take a break before doing other things. Easing up their schedule can allow your teen to adapt and remain motivated.
Help your child separate what they need to do into sensible pieces. This can help battle stress. Say your child has five activities that day, divide those five errands into single parts and help them make a schedule to finish the tasks arranged by their level of importance.
14. Reduce Arguing and Lecturing: Arguing with your teen, or giving unnecessary lectures, frequently doesn’t pay off. It just builds strain in your family, which can distract your teen and decrease their motivation.
Remember, lots of people are only ready to listen to guidance when they want counsel. Your teenager is the same. Rather than mentioning over and over to them what they ought to do, hold on till they come to you with an issue. You should also offer them the chance to approach you for guidance. If they appear to be battling stress, say something like, “I see you’re experiencing difficulty with this subject. Is there anything I can do?”
Arguments cannot be avoided in any relationship, and that includes the relationship with your child. However, you can limit contentions by taking a break from discussions when things get heated and giving you both an opportunity to chill off.
15. Make Their Activities Fun: This motivational rule applies to individuals of all ages, not just teenagers. Most people are more motivated to accomplish something fun rather than tiring.
Fun is a vital key to getting teens to be more active and motivated. Have it in mind that what you enjoy may not be what your teen appreciates. Make certain to show that you find whatever it is your teen thinks is fascinating-interesting and fun. Show them that you value whatever right decision they make.
If your teenager can learn something good by playing a game, seeing a film, or browsing the Internet, urge them to do it. Using technological innovation as a component of any task makes it more appealing to teenagers. Figuring out how to make work and studies pleasant for your teen can help them remain motivated.
Teenage young men particularly react to competitions. Urging him to participate in group activities may help him find to learn about collaboration, teamwork, and self-confidence.
If there’s a computer game, TV program, or film that can be educational, try to get your teen to watch or play it.
Be it a boy or girl, attempt to get a feeling of what your teen appreciates and create fun activities around their interests, goals, and aspirations.
16. Be Patient And Understanding: Teenage is a season of substantial physical and mental changes. These physical and mental changes cause the individuals around your child to react to her/him differently. What’s more, your teen is compelled to re-examine her/his character and fit into a new role. This causes enormous turmoil in the brain of your teen.
Be sensitive to your child’s needs and be patient to understand their challenges. A child who feels cherished and understood will be motivated to concentrate more on studies than a child who feels disliked and is consistently on edge about disappointing her/his parents.
17. Allow Physical Activities: In the teen years, your child’s vitality, stamina, and strength are gradually increasing. Be that as it may, as they become increasingly more vigorous, their study level rises too. And more and more study work makes them sit in one spot for extended periods.
This repressed energy makes children restless and frustrated. It can even make them lose focus. When your teen realizes that she/he is unable to concentrate, his/her motivation levels decrease because of their dejection. Urge your teen to play and burn their energy on positive activities regularly.
18. Why They Need Studies: In the teen years, the brain develops quickly, and with the abrupt appearance of rational ideas, teens need to address everything they are required to do. Most school learning is theoretical, and teens question why they should learn what they are being thought.
They need to think and argue – and that is why memorizing doesn’t work on most occasions. Do not hesitate to talk about why they should learn what they are being thought. Avoid saying, “because I say so” at all costs. Set aside the time to explain to them how what they are being thought will be significant to them in the future.
19. Do Not Compare Your Teen: The teen years are very delicate; these children are already self-conscious. They are continually considering what others are doing, what others are saying, and what others think of them. A large portion of their thinking is already about others. Comparing them to others just aggravates this. Also, the belief that others are better and ahead of them—hinders their learning capacity.
20. Encourage The Company Of Responsible Adults: Teenagers are continually attempting to isolate themselves from their parents. They look for self-sufficiency from their parents. It is critical to get ready for the time when teens will invest energy in the company of other grown-ups other than their parents. An upstanding relative like an auntie, uncle, or cousin who is close to the family is a great connection to nurture. Teachers or councilors are also good examples and role models for teens.
21. Mentally Challenge Your Teen: The teenage brain is continually searching for things that seem challenging. When something is simple, it gets boring and causes the teen to lose their fascination. Then again, when something is excessively difficult – repeated disappointments may discourage them. Try not to demand that your child score good grades. Instead, demand that your child learn well even if it’s a little part of the syllabus. Little victories will keep your child motivated and increase their confidence.
22. Try Not To Control Them: If you attempt to control your teenager – you might end up with disobedience.
Try not to pester your teen with high results. Also, do not abuse your capacity as a parent. As the sensible thinking part about the brain develops in your teen – reason with your teen. Show your child what may happen if he/she doesn’t study and what they might gain if they study.
Permit your teen to make decisions. Be a facilitator, and help your teen accomplish what they need to accomplish. Try not to force your will upon your teenager – otherwise, your teenage child will get confused. Also, doing this will make it difficult for you to motivate them since they will feel you always want to be in control.
23. Allow Them Form Companionship: Teenagers naturally move away from their parents and gravitate more towards their friends. Sadly, as parents, we pay more attention to the bad issues brought about through friendship, that we ignore the advantages. However, a secluded teen is obviously going to feel depressed because his/her essential need of being acknowledged by friends is not getting satisfied. Consequently, this may hamper their educational studies.
24. Limit Negative Reactions: Teenagers are incredibly touchy when it comes to negative criticism and take your words at face value. Regularly, as parents, we say things without thinking or speculating about them well. We say things out of anger, resentment, and annoyance. Your goal may be to motivate your teenage child – but teenagers internalize the pessimism, which leads to negative mental self-image and low confidence.
When we make statements like “You are useless – you can’t get basic arithmetic right.” The teen starts to think, “When my parents are saying I can’t do it – then it’s possible I can’t. Why even attempt?” The inspiration to try becomes lost.
Always be constructive when you are giving negative input. Furthermore, ensure your analysis is valuable.
25. Give Them A Reason: This is an essential method to motivate your teenage child! If your teen doesn’t comprehend what the task has to do with them, or their prosperity, it will be difficult for them to build the motivation to do it. Teenagers long to feel significant. They need to show to themselves and the world that they matter and can have an effect.
Many of the issues teens experience today is because their need to be significant is disregarded. If your teenager comprehends the value of a given errand, you will have little issue persuading them to do it.
Completing homework is vital for teens who need to get into their preferred college or be considered for their dream job one day. By connecting the tasks to the ultimate benefits, your teenager discovers that we occasionally do things we would prefer not to do to enjoy their benefits.
25. Make It Achievable: If you give your child an assignment to do, and they can’t do them, sometimes, it could be that the size of the errand is what the teenager finds hard. It isn’t that they would prefer not to do it, but instead, they probably do not have the foggiest idea where to begin, and everything looks hard and complicated.
If your teen is putting off starting a giving task, it can be helpful to sit with them to discover how they are feeling about the task. Do they know how to begin? Or Perhaps they feel frightened about not being able to do the task well? Whatever the explanation may be, offering to help them think of a procedure for completing the work could be only the thing they need.
26. Give Them Rewards: We as a whole value getting rewards and praises for a job well done. Employees will also love getting rewards and bonuses at work. Along that line, our children will be substantially more motivated if we reward them too. Prizes can be money related, or they can be additional benefits that we hand out as they show greater responsibility.
27. Arouse Their Educational Curiosity: The more you incorporate subjects that interest your kid from the start, the more they will love to learn about it. When they develop to be teenagers, they will have decided what they wish to learn more. Permit them to choose some books they will love to read.
Ask them what they’re keen on learning and work with them so they can enjoy doing things with you. The more included your teenage child is in picking what he wants to learn, you will have the option to motivate them to study.
28. Show Your Worries Less: Teenagers are already stressed over what will occur if they don’t do well in their studies and exams. Revealing to them that you are worried, concerned, or stressed, just adds to their pressure.
Furthermore, try always to stay calm and in control when you’re around your teen. Try not to panic, shout, or yell at them. Inspire your teen to study passionately; when you’re calm and reasonable, the motivation to nurture them will come naturally.
29. Excessive Praise Kills Motivations: Praises and gratitude are significant because they motivate us to keep trying our best. Be that as it may, regularly dishing out praises without deduction, we may wind up pressurizing our children to the extreme. If you laud your teen continually for good marks or their level of intelligence, he/she may get fixated on maintaining their image by all means. To an extent, the distraction with acting right keeps them from thinking or doing well in life.
31. Compliments: Look for appropriate ways to tell your children how unique they are. Mention to them what you appreciate about them and how adorable they were when still very young. Share tales about what they used to do when they were younger.
Ask them if there’s something they wish people should like or notice about them, and after that, ensure you tell them often precisely what they want to hear about the specific thing they want people to notice. They will like hearing it even though they told you.
32. Motivate Your Teenage Child To Study: Most teenagers are not motivated to study because contemplating seems to be a ceaseless drudgery to them since they believe that regardless of whether they study, they won’t be free to do what they want. It is imperative to show children how studying will bring about an opportunity
Show your child how studying builds the ability to make better choices, the more they learn about the world. Furthermore, how it helps us become autonomous. You can tell them for example:
“If you can learn math well, you can get better deals when you purchase things”.
“If you study Africa well, you will be more confident to visit it.”
Moreover, as children grow up, they need to be respected. Be deferential and polite to your child regardless of whatever his/her grades might be. When you show them regard, to motivate your teenage child to study will likely be easy.
In conclusion, remember, it is a process to motivate your teenage child. They won’t instantly become motivated and responsible. But with the right environment and guidance on your part, it will happen in due time.
Aleksandra Nico, Psy.D., is a Psychologist and Editorial Assistant for Whatsdalatest who writes about mental health, relationships, human behaviour, and health. Aleksandra is passionate about helping others make well-informed choices to support and improve their physical and emotional well-being.