The idea of falling out of love is undoubtedly more complex than it sounds at first glimpse. Like all beautiful things, love is something most of us long to see and experience at some point in our lives.
At the start of a budding relationship, so many thrills are associated with falling in love. These thrills could be simple things like; the assurance of having someone you can vent to after a long day at work. The teases, fun, or excitement are gotten from two bodies wrapping each other up in warmth and ecstatic loving.
All things have a season; this also includes love. There comes a time when the lust and excitement you have for your partner begins to die down. They may stop looking attractive while everything they do or say may seem to frustrate you.
Little things like the sound they make when they eat, how they snore and other habits can suddenly become noticeable and irritating. This is the part where you begin to find your partner undesirable.
It starts with little things like strained communication or not even bothering to check up on them anymore. You start making excuses not to see your partner.
At that point, you realize that something is not right, so you try to do everything you possibly can to build the bond you once had again, but sometimes even this effort can prove abortive.
This is where the question, “Am I falling out of love?” comes to mind.
Douglas Adams said:“There is always a moment when you start to fall out of love, whether it is with a person or an idea or a cause, even if it is one you only narrate to yourself years after the event: a tiny thing, a wrong word, a false note, which means that things can never be quite the same again.”
It is usual for people to fall out of love. After all, we are all humans – insatiable and always wanting more. You are probably wondering if it is possible to stop yourself from falling out of love, that is, to make things go back to the way they used to be. The answer is yes, but like all amazing things that happen over time, it will require some effort.
Here are some reasons why your love interest does not seem to interest you anymore. And how to avoid making these mistakes.
1. You’re not in love
Sweetie, it was probably infatuation!
One reason why people fall out of love is that they were never in love at first. They may have been in love with the idea of having that person. What I mean here is that they may have fallen in love with their partner’s physical characteristics or social status. The way they kiss or the way they get turned on when they are being stared at. All of which trails down to lust.
In other cases, they must have fallen in love with a false personality and not who they are. Could be a feigned or misconceived personality.
People believe that when you truly love someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more.
It feels like you find something else to love about them every day. The way they laugh, little hand and body gestures, even something as absurd as the way they blink.
That is how most relationships work when things are still fresh and exciting. Every moment spent with that person seems like a romantic adventure.
When you fall in love with someone for who they are, including their flaws and imperfections, it is hard to fall out of love.
2. Because of boredom
This is the point where nothing excites you anymore. There seems to be no fun. You are no longer intimate with your partner, so this makes you bored. It usually happens when you both practice the same routine every day.
What you need to do is find a new hobby you can both participate in together. Dare to try something fresh and exciting like taking a music class, learning a skill, going on a vacation. Anything that keeps both of you busy.
Chris Perry Said: “Every relationship will get boring after you have been together for years. Love is not a feeling; it is a commitment to live every day, physically and emotionally. It is difficult sometimes. Things can not always be fun and sunny. Sometimes, things can get Grey. Love is when you both come out of these moments even better. People tend to quit when it stops being fun and go look for someone else because the spark is gone. No, that is not how it works. You want somebody to never give up on you and love you unconditionally, then do the same, be the change.”
3. Lack of communication
At the beginning of every relationship, you find out that you can not go a day without communicating with your partner.
You find yourself spending time talking about your favorite movie series, food, sports, your dreams, fears, and every other thing.
But as time goes by, the communication reduces. It is weird how it happens when you both start to withdraw from each other. Talking to your partner no longer seems to excite you.
There are moments; you could find out that the only time you ever talk is when you both meet in the bathroom or when you need them to do something for you.
Heartfeltquotes pin on Emotional Sadness: “There is nothing lonelier than sitting in the same room with someone and having absolutely nothing to talk about. One can tolerate the lack of affection, but to feel invisible is, well, painful”.
The moment you start to miss sharing ideas with your partner, talking about random things, feeling heard, and listening to them when they talk. Then it means that you care about them and that you are interested in the relationship. If you lack that drive, you might be falling out of love.
What you need to do is find time to sit with your partner and discuss. Try to sort things out. Ask yourselves what you are doing wrong, express yourself, and let your partner express theirs too.
Do not assume or read meaning into words they say or the actions they take. You could be misinterpreting a lot, and this may likely get you more frustrated.
4. Because of familiarity
Just like the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
We tend to miss and appreciate the people in our lives more when we have been away from them for some time. It encourages the growth of more affection.
One of the reasons why people fall out of love is because they get too comfortable with their partners. There is no space for them to miss the presence of each other.
What you need to do is get yourself busy. Being a working-class person means that you spend less time at home, which means less time seeing your partner unless you work from home.
You can both also go on different trips. Maybe a trip with the girls and some well-deserved gossiping could ignite that spark you thought had been quenched!
Staying apart should be treated with caution though, you do not want to overdo it with the distance. Do not forget that while the heart grows fonder with distance, being out of sight is being out of mind.
5. Falling in love with someone else
The moment you start to imagine yourself with someone else is the moment you fall out of love.
It starts when your thoughts are no longer clouded with the images of your partner but with the imagination of someone else. Then it follows with you thinking about building a future with that new person.
It could also show when you get anxious and worried whenever your partner talks about you two building a future together.
It takes two people to love while it takes two committed people to stay in love. At a point in every couple’s relationship, one or both of them may experience a situation where they find someone else more attractive. It may be like having a crush or someone who could be more attractive than the other partner.
This may be happening in yours. This person could be doing things that you would love your partner to do—giving more attention, buying gifts, giving good compliments, and so on. All of these things could be the reason for the attraction.
But in the end, it is left for you to decide if that person is worth choosing over your current relationship.
If they are not worth losing your partner, you need to let the infatuation slide and communicate more to your partner about your needs.
6. Betrayal or dishonesty
When you find yourself lying to your partner over little things that need honest answers, you need to check yourself.
Why are you doing that?
When you are caught countless times in the act of betrayal or dishonesty, it breaks the trust your partner has for you. Such acts make your partner have doubts about your love and the future in which the relationship is headed. So they start to fall out little by little.
A lot of people underestimate the hurt and damage an emotional betrayal can have, even if there was never anything physical.
Stay honest and transparent to your partner at all times. No matter how hard it may seem. Honesty is vital in every relationship, it builds trust. Building trust is better than repairing a broken one.
What is a relationship without respect? Without the feeling of being appreciated?
Respect is what everyone craves from not just a love interest but anyone at all. The feeling of being disrespected can tarnish the love and reverence your partner has for you. It could be in different ways, although it starts with name-calling, fights, the exchange of vulgar words, and a host of other disrespectful acts.
Most times, words exchanged between both parties may only be said to cause hurt at the moment. However, with time, those words get stuck!
I am not trying to imply that a normal relationship is free of quarrels and arguments. NO… Little disagreements are the norm in relationships. However, the ability to handle such situations when they arise is what keeps people in love.
Learn how to appreciate your partner, give their look a compliment, take notice of the little things they think would go unnoticed, and praise them openly for it.
W.C Dunkefeld said: “You can show that appreciation in big and little ways. It is often the little things that count and will add up to a stable, loving and mutually beneficial relationship.”
Many people in relationships often have little self-confidence, especially in cases where their partners are more attractive or successful than they are.
They always find a way to put meaning into little meaningless things, making up scenarios in their heads that might never happen.
This uncertainty often leads to jealousy and mistrust.
Aaron Carter said: “Love should not be about jealousy or anything like that. It should be about commitment and being able to trust that person. If you can not have that from the get-go, then there is a problem.”
Most people do not like it when their partners are overprotective, clingy, and jealous. When you are confident in yourself, your partner automatically becomes more attracted to you. Confidence is attractive!
Both partners need to have the ability to work through problems and misunderstandings constructively.
When two partners fail to find solutions to the problems they are facing, love eventually dies.
Alex Godinez on Twitter said: “A relationship with a lack of understanding will not work; there has to be a vulnerability. Your partner is not a mind reader. If you let your ego/pride keep you from expressing how you feel, nothing will ever get fixed.
Stop ignoring them and learn about each other so that you can grow together”.
Understanding makes the bond in a relationship grow.
10. Sex life
You should not have Sexual Intercourse only because you feel horny.
Few people understand that one way for couples to bond with their partners is through the act of lovemaking. Having great intercourse can make you feel closer to your partner.
Do not be ashamed of talking to your partner about your sex life. To know what you are both doing wrong and what needs to be done right.
Thom York said: “Sex is more than an act of pleasure. It is the ability to be able to feel close to a person. So connected, so comfortable that it is almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can not take it. And at this moment you are a part of them”
When a couple fails to resolve the issue in their sex life, there becomes a high possibility of either of them looking outside the relationship to find someone who satisfies them more.
11. Lack of passion
Another reason you may be falling out of love is because of the lack of passion. When you limit passion to just the physical part of your relationship. The love rush does not last. Passion is more than just a physical response to another human being.
People get passionate about a lot of things; passion drives us to keep things going.
Passion is also a very vital aspect of love for many people.
True passion fades with time. It is the ability to think back and ask yourself why you started in the first place that will keep you going.
Art Turock said; “There is a difference between interest and commitment when you are interested in doing something; you do it only when circumstances permit. When you are committed to a thing, you accept no excuses, only results.”
12. Incessant conflict
You and your partner fight incessantly. Now, instead of accepting your mistakes, you blame each other for the conflict. That could also be a good reason why you’re falling out of love.
When a couple continuously fights, they let out their frustrations in any way they can. They nag, complain about little things like how the seasoning in the meal is too much or how their spouse refused to place a bowl back where they took it from. They fight instead of trying to work things out.
People can feel that they are falling out of love. This could make them try to mask it by pretending to love their partner still. Staying with someone when you no longer hold them in that regard is very wrong and unhealthy.
William James said; “Whenever you conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship or deepening it. The factor is your attitude.”
The best thing to do if you find yourself in a situation like this is to tell your partner about your feelings. If nothing can be done to change them, you can both decide to end the relationship!
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash, Joshua Mcknight, and Alex Green from Pexels.