When you get married, you have another mother, your Mother-In-Law. It is sporadic not to experience the usual drama with the mother-in-law. Regardless of the situation or circumstance, some things should never be said to her. Either you’re living with her or visiting you at intervals. Saying something negative or harmful to her might ruin your relationship with your spouse. In this article, we talk about those things you should never say to your mother-in-law so that there will be peace.
What You Shouldn’t Say to Your Mother-In-Law
1. Never Use The Word NO: Using this sort of word towards your mother-in-law can spark up trouble. There different types of a mother-in-law; some are zealous, while others are not. Regardless of the kind of mother-in-law, never tell them NO. Your mother-in-law sees you as one of her children. Thus, she will never be happy when your reply to most of her requests is NO.
Some mothers-in-law may not show visible displeasure, but that word can ruin things. It can also paint a bad picture of you to her. There are more polite ways to turn down her offer; you could say, “I’m honored, but I can’t” instead of an outright NO (1).
2. I Did Not Ask For Your Opinion: Using this sentence is enough to develop hatred between yourself and your mother-in-law. Not all the advice and counsel from your mother-in-law will be okay. However, when the bad ones come, you should be polite in dealing with it. It is total disrespect and disregard towards your mother-in-law. Saying this may mean having bad intentions towards you and your partner. Which is not a genuine thing to conclude? It is even worse to say this when living with the mother-in-law. She will feel rejected and isolated in your home. So, stop saying these things you should never say to your mother-in-law to have a happy home.
3. It Is No Big Deal: Here is also one of those things you should never say to your mother-in-law.
Different kinds of mothers-in-law exist, and they all have their uniqueness. So, telling her it’s no big deal is like telling her to get lost. Also, most mothers-in-law would find it hard to forgive you for such utterance. It shows that you have no regard for her preferences and dislike. Mothers-in-law have boundaries, and they deserve respect for it. So, when addressing her, find a better way to respond that will not hurt her.
4. Why Didn’t You Teach Your Daughter Or Son This?: It is wrong and impolite to blame your mother-in-law for the shortcomings of your partner. When you have misunderstandings in your home, never go asking your mother-in-law. It is an act of disrespect and rudeness towards her. The fact that you chose the man or woman shows your mother-in-law did a good job. Yes, no one is perfect, so try to keep your opinion about her history to yourself.
5. We Do Not Have Time To Visit You: Every mother-in-law wants to be visited by her children and grandchildren. Such activity is healthy for them and can improve both parties’ quality of life (2). They love a surprise visit. But when you start telling her you are too busy, you are already crossing the line. Rejection is a thing that you must never let your mother-in-law experience.
You and your partner should explain to your mother-in-law that you may not visit her when she expects. But you reschedule a visit still. Keep to your words so you can continue to build trust with her.
6. Referring To Your Spouse As Your Son Or Daughter To Your Mother-In-Law: Doing this doesn’t sound well at all. Your spouse has a name, so use it if you don’t mind. It is utter disrespect and insolence calling her child your son or daughter to her face. It shows that you do not respect both your spouse and your mother-in-law. If you have any issues with your spouse, let it be between the two of you. Don’t drag your mother-in-law into it.
7. Could You Talk To Your Child For Me?: Again, try as much as possible to avoid involving your mother-in-law in your marital issues. Only do this when necessary to get her in the matter. Telling your mother-in-law to talk to her child for you sounds like you want her to pick your side. The only time you can say this to her is if it is a dispute between his/ her siblings. And you must be polite when you tell her. A better way to put up this statement is, “please, we need your advice on this issue.” In that way, she is neutral in the dispute.
8. We Are Moving Out: Some couples live with a mother-in-law. You may sound disrespectful and rude if you tell her you are moving out. Moving out from your parent’s house as a couple is a big decision. There are lots of considerations when you bring up such a proposal. Find a more polite and diplomatic way to bring up the matter. Explain to them as politely as you can when you want to move out. They will understand you and be ready to work with you on your decision. So, “we are moving out” is one of those things you should never say to your mother-in-law.
9. Your Child Prefers It This Way: Mothers-in-law don’t like tutoring on the way to do things for their children. Giving her tips about her child is not a good thing to do. If living with mother in law, do not attempt to correct what she does for her child. Be it the meal to prepare or the arrangement of things. Because you’re now married to a child doesn’t mean you know everything. Respect her opinion, and if you have an idea, give advice rather than commands. Don’t create an enmity over trivial issues and reactions.
10. This Is Not Good For Us, Though It’s Right For You: Your mother-in-law takes decisions she thinks will be best for both you and your spouse. Telling her that a decision is right for her, but not for your home is outright disrespectful. There are different ways to communicate with your mother-in-law on such matters. Find a softer language and idea to use that will not cause any friction between you.
It is important to have a good and healthy relationship with your mother-in-law. They are the ones who cared for and raised your spouse, and no matter what their wrongs or mistakes are, you need to be thankful to them. You can also learn a lot from their experience and expertise. If you concentrate on your mother-in-laws’ positive qualities and imitate those, you can become a well-rounded person.
Moreover, remember that one day you will also be a mother-in-law someday. How would you like to be treated? I guess, with respect too. What things wouldn’t you want your daughter-in-law or son-in-inlaw to say to you? I believe they are likewise the “Things You Should Never Say to Your Mother-In-Law” contained in this article.
See also: The Importance of Family and Friends
Sara Leandro is a certified health coach who helps others feel their best through individualized lifestyle changes that meet their unique needs and health goals. She covers topics ranging from health and productivity to relationships.